Hateful. in Since OD is shutting down....

So a couple of days ago I get a letter from my daughter’s school stating that if she was enrolled with her tribe, she would receive an educational grant. I decide to message her sperm donor and ask if we could get that done and I’d be willing to forgive child support because this is more important. He kept saying I’m all about money and he doesn’t want to have any conversation if it has to do with money and blah blah blah. I let it go until later and ask again and how I’d be willing to give him a ride to get the paperwork done and mailed. Then, this morning my daughter saw his name on my phone and decided to call him over Facebook. He answered and talked to her for a moment. I got her to school and then messaged asking if he’s willing to work with me on getting himself enrolled, I’ll forgive child support and we can make a parenting plan in writing.

Needless to say, he’s not willing to do anything so we are back and square 1. I will never have any kind of help from him in raising OUR child and I need to accept that and leave him alone. I need to understand that no matter what I’m willing to do for this to work, he’s still going to tell everyone whatever narrative he wants and I must leave this guy alone.

He’s no more worried about child support than he is wanting to be in her life. He doesn’t give a flying fuck about her whatsoever and we need to respect that. I am doing more damage to my daughter and myself by trying to incorporate this person into our lives where he refuses to be. My daughter and I both have to accept that he’s just not the person we need him to be. I refuse to cry any more tears over his actions I plan to leave him alone after this. It’s been almost 6 years of mental torture for me and now this is torturing my child.

I just don’t know where to go from here. I don’t have any friends and I’m not able to create a social life because I’m a single Mom. I’m still concerned she’s going to get booted from the after school program and then my availability will be even more limited so I’m not sure about finding a job. I’m never going to get out of this situation and it makes me want to end it all. I’ve never felt more depressed or suicidal in my life and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. Just keep going and hope things get better.

I don’t know what else to say. I’m done.