A hamster on 3 cups of espresso. in The Awesome Chronicles of me.

Hi again. The questioning Bi guy again. I’m currently watching the Packers Implode yet again.

My brain has settled down a bit. The past couple days my brain has felt like it was moving from point a to point b to point z and back again like a hamster after 4 cups of espresso.

It is now like its going from point a to point b to point x and back again like a hamster after 3 cups of espresso.

Between finding a good bisexual guy subreddit that helped out a bit and seems welcoming, and a lot of friends chiming in, that’s why my brain has calmed a bit.
Here is what going on.

I am definitely gray ace. I know that. I think I’m some weird combo between bisexual/biromantic/aromantic. I really can see me going out with a guy, kissing, making out but absolutely no sexy time. But i can also see me just going out and hugging and stuff. Stuff i’d do with a woman as well. Same with the sexy time.
People said don’t worry about labels which is kind of true but as person who likes to categorize things it helps ME, and while its not the end of the world to not have a label it helps me. I guess right -now- i’d be fluid with a lean towards full bi, but its still gnawing at me.
My one friend gave me two terms that made me giggle:
“Cheesesexual” And Ekhromantic (Ekh/ekhdal is my xiv name and one of my general nicknames) So for now those are on what’s left of my twitter profile because twitter is gonna explode soon.

Someone posted an asexual survey on reddit for academic research and I filled it out but one of the questions was..”Do you consider yourself to be any other form of sexuality” and i spent like 5 minutes going back and forth between “Bi” and “Other” with explanation. I chose “Bi” and at the end there was a “Anything you want to add?” and i basically said my journey, then reposted it in that subreddit” but i was sitting there like…

CONFUSED EKH NOISES.

I am gonna do something crazy i think. I’ve been on a few r4r reddits (redditor for redditor) like a find date thing and i’m just gonna post something there, maybe find something that way because Id be twice as awkward trying to find a bi/gay guy to ask out over asking a woman. I am -very- awkward in person when it comes to dating. And then they have to be cool with my asexuality as well.

So while my brain has calmed a bit running a mile every two minutes, my heart is fine. I know i’ve said it before but i’ll be managing this path for a while.

And since dumb diamond boi basically destroyed twitter, I will probably be using this a lot more to vent about this journey.

I’m gonna take a bath, get something to eat, and lament the Packers season because it just ended tonight as well.

Keelah Selai

Me.

Edit a couple: First, I forgot to mention, while that bi-bros is helpful and welcoming, I tried to browse some of the best of ever and such.. and whoo boy some of the posts are like “I SUCKED DOODLE FOR THE FIRST TIME” and I HAD SEX WITH A GUY FOR THE FIRST TIME. Stuff like that -instant- bleh. I always feel awkward around those kind of posts (which is a bit hypocritical of me because I talked about diddling and leads last entry) but that’s just me. I’m weird.

Second. I forgot I signed up for Mastodon social. I have no idea how to use it yet. [email protected] is it.

See ya again.

Last updated November 17, 2022