Appointments. in Since OD is shutting down....

Anyways, I told my Mom about these appointments a month ago and still ended up taking my daughter with to both of them. I am so glad that COVID is over so that I’m able to just bring her with me and not have to worry about it. I had my cleaning this morning and they were so impressed by how good she was. I knew she would be and it definitely made me feel pretty awesome that I can trust my daughter to be quiet and sit still when needed, makes things a lot easier.

It really pisses me off that it’s easier on EVERYONE else that I just plan to take her with me to things instead of relying on them. My Mom didn’t watch her Friday either but had the audacity to text me about 2 hours after my appointment. I didn’t even bother to respond. I ended up telling her that I’m just done and for her to worry about herself. I am just super confused why everything is fine until I’m in a need of a sitter and then everything goes on tilt. I think it’s because they never had a sitter when us kids were little but they were never a single parent either.

I have both of my next appointments scheduled on school days so unless she’s sick, I will be able to go. It’s really stressful never having anyone to depend on outside of school but I don’t see that changing either.

Over the weekend I had this idea about maybe calling the school and ask if he could come have lunch with her sometimes. Then, I talk to my friend about it this morning and she pretty much has me all but talked out of it. I just worry about him trying to take her or not being consistent and then being sad. I just wish he wouldn’t have made such a mess of everything because I would love nothing more but for him to be involved but he just refuses to do the right thing but blame me for everything he’s done.

I just wish there was ever one time where I’ve had contact with him and he saw his kid where I didn’t feel regret. I also don’t like being the one to always plant the seed for him to see her because he’s turned around and said that he was forced. I think we really need a court order to move forward because I’ve already made too much effort and it didn’t help anything. I just can’t do anything more. I did what I was gonna do and I refuse to put forth any more effort trying. I don’t know if completely cutting off contact is the the thing to do and I’ve considered unblocking him on Facebook but I can’t handle the thought of him being able to have access to me whenever he wants and even blowing up my phone at all hours because he stays up all night. I would be hella pissed to wake up in the morning and see a bunch of messages where all he’s done is ugly talk me.

But yeah, it’s been pretty busy for us lately. My daughter had her dr appointment Friday morning where I thought she had another ear infection because she had all the same symptoms as before but they flushed wax out of her ears and said that it probably healed on its own. Then she came with me to my appointment. I guess I’m just glad to not have to worry about another appointment until January and it’s not on a day that she has school. The only thing coming up that I’ll need a sitter is the holiday food box giveaway. I’ve talked to her old daycare lady and she said she’d watch her. They have a new daycare type place and it’s right down the street from us now so that’ll be handy.

I just want to do the right thing for my kid. I don’t want things to be like this anymore but I know shit isn’t going to change either. I can’t spend my lifetime begging a bum. I just feel terrible that my daughter doesn’t have a Dad. It’s just crazy how someone can just stay stuck in their hatred and anger. I get that he’s a fucking nutcase but it’s been YEARS now! It’s been 5 years since I was pregnant and he’s just as hateful now as he was when I told him I was pregnant. I want her to see her Dad, I just don’t think I should have to be worried sick about her safety or his motives.