Unholy in Current Events

I barely made it to my optometrist appointment yesterday. Damn, my eye doctor had quite the makeover—Mohawk, piercings, and tattoos up to his throat. Neck tattoos are so sexy. He had a picture of his full-body tattoos in his office. He saw me looking at them and he explained to me that he left Christianity and wanted to seal the deal, so to speak. He was raised a Mormon. I asked him if he was a Capricorn. He looked curious and said yes. I told him how most of his tattoos were Capricorn. He had a pentacle across his chest, the serpent running up his spine with a star of David on it, the face of the devil, the horns etc. We started talking about all that stuff but couldn’t get into it too much because he had other people to see, obviously. Then we learned that the vision in my left eye got worse but whatever. But damn, I felt smitten when I got home.

The reason I barely made it to that appointment was that I forgot about it. I dropped off a pumpkin at my sister’s. On the way home I decided to hit up the casino. It had been years and I will have some free plays. I went to the bathroom first where I remembered that I had an eye exam. It was at noon and it was 11:50 when it dawned on me. I arrived there ten minutes late but it must have been a sign that the casino was a bad idea. I’m going to go today anyway, lol.

My car is making a noise when I start it. A clicking sound will go off for a tiny bit and it sounds like it is inside the cabin of my car. I don’t have time for this. I’ll call my people tomorrow and set something up. I need an oil change anyway. It better not turn into an expensive fix because they fixed everything that was wrong with it last time. I didn’t want them to do that but there was a disconnect in our communication but it all worked out.

Speaking of communication. Yesterday, Toni made the decision, on her own as always, that I will not pay rent I will just pay for the groceries. I haven’t had time to look at the finances to make sure that I am not getting screwed over. It might break close to even. She also mentioned how it is because I supply absolutely everything. That is facts. I feel like I manifested this because this was the arrangement she offered when she asked that we find a new place. I was thinking about why not just do that now?! I don’t like how she just makes these decisions without me. I have some slight trauma about it. She was financially abusive at the start of our moving-in. I was just starting a new job at that time and going through the trauma of the events before that. I was vulnerable and didn’t want to make anything difficult because I was unable to do anything without her. That is currently still true.

She was a drunk that was permanently stoned and could not “remember” any of the financial obligations she made and was all over the place with how we would split costs. Prior to moving in she said that she would pay the whole damage deposit. She did. Then she said that she would pay the whole first month’s rent and I pay for the moving expenses. We did. She said that she would supply everything for the kitchen. She didn’t. I had to buy everything from scratch and she said that we would split that 50/50. We would split the groceries 50/50. The rent 50/50. She wanted to wait until the of the month to split her share of the groceries. The rent came out of her account and she wanted me to send her biweekly payments of my share of the rent in full. Then she would send me money back for her share of groceries at the end of the month. That only happened once. She had most of my first paycheck of the month with that arrangement. I eventually just sent her rent once a month and I took her share of the groceries out of it. That’s literally fair.

Along the way, it was take this out of what you send me for rent. Take that out of what you send me for rent. She would stomp around the apartment. Shoot me dirty looks. Not respond to me when I would try to talk to her. Snap at me. This was the time when she was a raging alcoholic because of lame reasons. I was coming home and she would be sitting in the dark, sometimes passed out in the sitting position with drool drying on her face. I would have to clean wine off the counters, floor and wall. She would stumble away to hide the shame and just walk into walls. It was just a toxic environment. Not to mention, I was doing all of the cleaning and cooking also. On top of being the one to do the grocery shopping.

The one time I opened up to her, ever, she blew up at me and turned the entire evening into about her. My grandmother was in the hospital having clotting issues after her clot shot and Toni responded with an ultimatum about how I needed to get the vaccine with her so that she can feel that I will have job security because she would carry me if I lost my job again because of con-19. She then went on about how I was not pitching in enough. That I was not paying my fair share of anything. Suddenly, she had no memory of telling me that she would cover this or that. I had all of the receipts, I later laid it out for her that she owed me a lot of money. We waved it and never discussed it again. I want to discuss it again, however. I want her to have self-awareness about a) her financial abuse and b) how selfish she is, and how she makes everything about herself. That conversation may not be anytime soon. I finally got her to accept self-awareness about her drinking and how that hurts others. She is now self-aware that she can be a toxic person and she is actively working on that.

On that note, she hasn’t been drinking. She decided to save her weed for just weekends but I watched that one slowly go back to the daily wake and bake. We are 36, we are too old for that. She is a self-medicator. She is not in control of herself at all. That is what we discussed when we had our big talk about her addictions. This is when she was about to have another nervous breakdown over that loser. Also, she got the clot shot without me, we are not a couple she doesn’t get to weigh in on my own medical decisions and vice versa. Now she has alopecia that is only getting worse, joint pains, and chest pains and is experiencing a lot of pain in her head randomly throughout the day. Of course, it’s just a coincidence to those who reject terrain theory. Her body is storing all of the waste and that is where were her dis’ease stems from.

She just needs to decontaminate her body and detox. It’s simple but not easy. It’s not easy because this requires work and effort. We need to create a whole new lifestyle to support the health status we want. There is no silver bullet. If she starts drinking again and keeps going the way she was going she is going to end up with organ failures and/or tissues dying. Dying tissues grow a fungus and that fungus is there to eat the dead tissue. That fungus is what we call cancer. It shouldn’t be so out of control but that is what happens when people take a lot of antibiotics. Bacteria is supposed to clean that up. Oxygen is the cure for that fungus but again, nobody understands terrain theory. It’s based, it’s scientific. Germ theory is baseless, it’s just $cience. You will never hear those cannibals, those medical priests who demand infant sacrifice for their necromancy and cannabilism with vaccines call their $cience scientific. They’ve never isolated a virus, they’ve never replicated disease with one. Terrain theory can replicate disease over and over by just changing the environment within the body. This was proven in a Supreme Court, in Germany.

Anyway, today is the last day of my five-day weekend from work. I want to reflect and make some changes to my daily routines. I need to create habits that support the lifestyle I want. I am addicted to my phone and I need to detox from it. I have books that I can read, for starters. I have areas that I want to restructure, like my diet. I am eating a lot of processed vegan garbage. I’m too lazy to cook the way I used to. I’m always tired as a result. I want to join a gym. It’s just time. There are other things I want also but I can’t get out of my routines. My laziness, for starters. My need to leave and go window shopping. Is the casino going to add value to my life today? Probably not.

The weather has been absolutely beautiful. Usually, we have snow by now but it’s actually warm outside. It’s been the perfect October. I’m going for a nature walk with a friend today. I shall sit and reflect and see where I need balance, boundaries and discipline. I’m also going to look around online to see who is hiring. Blah. Whatever. On with my day I suppose. Oh, do I have a romantic interest in my eye doctor? No, not really. He’s only six years older than me. I’m a little shallow, his body didn’t look like he takes enough care of it. Looks matter to me. How is it not a red flag when it is visible that somebody doesn’t take care of themself? Also, our conversation didn’t go beyond what it did. I don’t see him reaching out to me in any capacity. I would love to make a new friend, at minimum. I want to get to know his story, it looks interesting, to say the least. Of course, I’m also very passionate about that esoteric stuff. He was digesting it all and I was validating everything he had to say. The vibe I got was that he felt understood for a change. If you feel like nobody “gets you” then find somebody who has a mercury sign in the same sign as yours. Mercury will only be in your sun sign or in one of the two signs beside it. My optometrist is a Capricorn, like myself, and his Mercury is probably also in Capricorn, like myself. Blah, whatever. He said he left Christianity, there are two reasons why that is not true. A) He has a birth certificate. Everyone with a birth certificate is catholic in this system. B) The bible teaches astrology which he is getting into.

Anyway! My roommate left for her boxing class I get to chill for a bit.

Last updated October 31, 2022