Unbalanced in Current Events

Oops! I did it again. I spent how many entries complaining about how I need a break from being social? Class was cancelled yesterday, I was looking forward to having a lot of time to study before Tuesday, finally. Then I picked up a shift today and then I have a concert with Bev tonight. Tomorrow I am going to a corn maze with my sister during the day and then I’m visiting friends in the evening. I must not love myself. I at least left myself Sunday, so far. Assuming I can commit. Instead of studying last night, I did the grocery shopping and then spent the evening cleaning the whole apartment. My roommate does fuck all and I didn’t want it on my plate this weekend.

Come to think of it, I often feel this way every October because that is when most of my friends have a birthday. October has a history of being busy and expensive. Once it snows, everything will slow down.

I’m really feeling spread thin, I suppose. I feel like I can’t keep up with this apartment, the housework for two. I feel like I can’t keep up with school, I could try harder. I feel like I can’t keep up with work, I’m so drained. I feel like I can’t keep up with my fitness and my diet. I find myself barely eating and I just lay around feeling exhausted and crushed…. I suppose I need to find some sort of balance here.

I find that I am using my phone to cope. I am absolutely addicted again. I can feel and see the damage it is doing to my eyesight.

At the end of the day, I could have worse problems. I have great problems! I wouldn’t want to trade them with somebody else’s so I try not to complain. I need balance so I will have to start creating boundaries and learn to say no to plans. I need discipline and have to will myself to try harder with my studies. I can create a whole new lifestyle to support one that lets me have energy. I also don’t have to have this apartment in emasculate condition 24/7. I can communicate with Toni about her lack of support. I am a cocreator of my problems here and I need to accept my response-ability and be my own solution here, I suppose.

Whatever, on with my day.