I decide what goes. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been a whirlwind of crazy on my side of the tracks lately. I’ve been dealing with some health issues and not feeling good along with my kid’s SD (sperm donor) breezing in disrupting her stability and getting messages everyday letting me know she’s acting out in school.

Things have been just downright crazy. I have had terrible nausea after starting a new medication but didn’t realize it was being caused by that and was struggling to function. I spent all of Monday laying on the couch until I was time to get my daughter from school and go trick or treating.

Anyways, I started this entry a couple of days ago. I have a job interview tomorrow at 2pm. The lady called this morning and we talked for about an hour. I am excited but I’m not gonna get my hopes up too high because I don’t want to be upset later. My Mom is of course pretty negative about it because she never learned how to say anything positive. She questioned me working full time and it’s like yeah, the more I work, the bigger my checks will be so I can start getting my car repairs done and buy a new cell phone. Oh and save to buy a fucking house someday. I am not trying to be in the situation for the rest of my damn life!

I have been in touch with CS. So again, there’s still no job after he claimed there was one. She did say that she sent out a notice and if he doesn’t respond, there will be another to start the contempt proceedings! I highly doubt ANYTHING will come from this because he’s never been in serious trouble for not paying but it would be cool if he was to start paying before Christmas. He’s never helped with presents and has only paid once over Christmas time so I would really like to see something happen and go in a positive light. I am getting really sick of planning to never see any money from this guy.

I really hope I get this job tomorrow and can start planning to be around other people because my loneliness is really starting to get to me. With my daughter at school, I’m alone all day long usually and it’s not a fun place being in my head all day. I also want to start making money and know I’m going to get us in a better place at some point. I want to start saving money and doing something towards a better life for my daughter.

Onto my counselor. I would like to talk about her some. I just don’t think she’s the best fit for me at all. I have found that she lacks compassion and sensitivity. I saw her last week when I was pretty sick with nausea where I was upset talking about my health problems where she says, “well did anything positive happen this week” and then as I was talking about my POS BD, I happen to look up and see her give a weird eye roll. I don’t think there’s any compassion or empathy left in this world, even when people are getting paid to listen to you. I understand why people don’t bother with counseling because I have tried for quite a while finding someone who would be a good fit and now I realize I need to just deal with things in my own way.

More later.