Here We Go Again in Current Events

My anxiety is flaring up right now. My roommate, something is going on with her. I heard her crying and whimpering to somebody over the phone this morning on the balcony. I suspect that she is having “issues” with Bob again. Bob was her friend with benefits. She knew the score when he decided to call that off so that he could start a relationship with somebody else. That is what she was spiralling about when we moved in together. She’s a functional alcoholic and her drinking had affected me. She foolishly continued the friendship. She spiralled again a few months ago when she learned that he was moving in with that girlfriend. My theory is that they started to have an affair and he just called it off. We’re 36, life shouldn’t be a Taylor Swift song.

If my theory is correct, she is not the victim here. Bob’s girlfriend is. What does he see in her? She asked me once. What is he supposed to see in you? This Is what I wanted to ask. Imagine being so void of self-esteem and self-respect that you would allow yourself to be the other woman. Her toxic codependence is parasitic to the rest of us. She offers nothing and has nothing to offer anyone. She has a developmental delay because of her addictions. She fried her brain beyond repair, she is now stuck being a sixteen-year-old entitled brat. She is plagued with loneliness because she has not accepted the reality that nobody is coming to do the things she doesn’t feel like doing. She has to parent herself.

She is hiding in her room right now. She is waiting until it is socially acceptable to start drinking. She will be out of control with that drinking for god knows how long. I’m not here for this bullshit. If she decides to tell me what is going on I am going to go full Capricorn on her and just tell her what’s what. She does not want self-awareness but I don’t care. She has the right to be clinically pathetic and self-medicate but I don’t have to let myself get dragged down with her. It’s high time somebody just tells her to grow the fuck up and get her life right.

Anyway, my grandmother might not need surgery after all. The medical priests are going to try something different. They will try anything but support the symptoms, honestly. I will give her a call later.

My brother called me last night, drunk. Everybody was drinking yesterday, I assume. It’s Thanksgiving weekend. I didn’t like the conversation. He was all over the place. He was filling me in with all of our family drama that I didn’t care to hear. Those are not my narratives. He was bringing up my own and I was not in the mood for it either. He wouldn’t let me finish a single sentence which I called him out on. He wants to call me again this evening. I was in bed at eight, he called when I was almost asleep and I wasn’t exactly chatty. He kept making gay jokes and they were vulgar and I’m just not here for that bullshit either. I can’t stand cluster B shit anymore. He wants to fly in and visit us but wants us all to pool in money to make that happen. If he wasn’t acting like an entitled jerk about it I would try to help him with that.

Anyway, I continued my meal prep today. My cold is gone now. I am going to study for a few hours after my workout. I am all about myself right now. Not in the mood for cluster b shit today. I need a strong boundary against loser energy. By loser, I mean people who suck at life and health and refuse to accept their roles as co-creators.