Down. in Since OD is shutting down....

We are on day 3 out of 4 from school break. I did take daughter with me to my dr appointment on Friday and will take her with to my dentist appointment in the morning. I asked my Mom a month ago and several more times if she would watch her but it just doesn’t ever happen. I just can’t deal with this shit anymore and I have cut her off.

She of course ‘forgot’ about me needing a sitter and then text me about 2 hours after my appointment. I seriously feel that this is all a game to her. I think this is extremely disheartening and I just can’t deal with it anymore. I guess when you are a single Mom that you aren’t to have a life outside of it, even if it means worrying about your physical or mental health. I have had serious stomach issues for months and finally was able to talk with my dr about it. He said that it might be from my diabetic medication so he got me a different script and I don’t have the random bouts of nausea like I did.

I feel more down and lonely than I ever have. I would rather have a physical injury. I feel like I’m never going to have a social life or really move on from where I’m at. I’m super concerned about our financial situation and know that things are going to be bad whether I get a job or not. I have a car that’s only going to last so long until it breaks down. My phone is cracked and on it’s last leg. I am sick of having no social outlet at all.

I’m honestly really having a hard time with being a single Mom. I constantly worry what would happen to my daughter if I had to be hospitalized or something. It’s really frustrating that even my own Mother can’t pretend to care. I just don’t understand how it would be fun to tell your child you’ll come watch their kid so they can go to a fucking dr appointment but then you don’t always show up and then if I say something about it, you can’t take any kind of critical comments and then dissapear.

My loneliness is killing me. I have no one and I’m sick of it. I don’t have a village but I desperately need to create one. I’m tired of doing everything alone and my daughter not having anyone except me.