dream about my ex. dream-gaslit. *no advice. Please be kind* in 2022.

So. I had a dream about my abusive ex the other day [yeah I know. ‘go get help’] yeah. not helpful. So in the um the dream. I’d met him outside the airport suitcase in hand. He had one as well. The exact same one as mine.
We switched suitcases which seemed weird but ok. And then. Went off to dinner. And one of the staff asked us ‘do you want me to take your suitcase?’ and. Given the attention I paid to him, my ex. I thought nothing of the staff member taking my suitcase.
And yet. Due to the rule of possession [which is an actual thing in the waking world] my ex’s suitcase. Was deemed mine and I was upset by the fact that she, the staff member, had run off w/ it. To where? I really don’t know nor do I know for why er I mean the reason. But apparently when, in the dream I’d told my ex ‘I was abused by you!’ he was at first taken aback and then denied it and gaslit me. ‘what? what are you talking about no I didn’t that’s. You’re crazy that. That didn’t happen’.
so now I’ve been dream-gaslit. In actuality. I. My ex didn’t gaslight me. He he was verbally abusive. .. he. When I was 24 or so he threatened me w/ rape. And then, when I actually was at 25 back in 2012. I’d emailed him and told him I was. And to not ask questions. Yes, in response he asks a question. But. . . and yet he was the one who. Like can’t have it both ways. To everyone else he was so nice but. I.
No. when I was 24 I was in an abusive relationship. And thank God I’m not. No, it’s ok. We’re all glad I’m not w/ him. We broke up in Feb. of 2013 and I haven’t talked to him since I think.
I won’t defend him bc frankly. he doesn’t deserve my defense or forgiveness. No it’s not ‘a mistake’ bc he knew exactly what he was doing. And no. It’s not ok. I have nothing good to say about him and. I don’t want to. And if anyone is going to defend him or offer advice then. . . ok so. And in the dream he was acting all nice like he hadn’t gaslit me. I don’t. even in my dream he’s. a jerk and that’s me being generous.
I. I know, it’s going to take a great deal to recover. From I get that. But, for me personally. I think the fact I, even in a dream, stood up to him by telling him ‘I was abused by you!’ is. a really good step.
If I. I could be. Idinno if I could damage him and not have anyone know. [no, I mean legally.]. I. I would. No holds barred I absolutely would. And, ya know. I can say that. I was in an abusive relationship when I was 24. And, since legally I can’t. Do what I want how do i?well. I drink I drink a lot, actually. I um. I self-talk a lot like a lot. I. At times I cry from being so angry.
I. I. I hope. that those reading will offer kindness. And understanding. Again please no advice.
Thank you.

-nhp,or nothispenrlope