Long time lovers, cat news, bits and pieces in What's up

Long time lovers

In just over two weeks, Frank and I will have been married ten years. We met just over eighteen years ago and have lived together for sixteen and some change.

Oh, hi. Remember me? Happy Holidays!

The lessons I’ve learned about long-term relationships are amazing. Long term (if ten years is long, we feel it’s closer to twenty) marriage seems to be the goal of many, albeit those who believe in “happily ever after.” I suggest “happy more often than not” is a more realistic dream. And we are. We are always happy to be together, even if one of us isn’t happy about the activity, with the other person in a moment, or with ourselves. Together is always better than apart, even if we are fighting.

About fighting. We rarely do. Mostly because he is the second-most tolerant person—following his mom—on the planet. Moreso because we hate drama. We also know, individually, we aren’t going anywhere. The ever-present commitment is grounding and keeps us from sweating the small stuff.

People change. OH MY GOD, people change! Life events aside, simply aging makes itself known in character and temperament. He is more curmudgeonly; I am much more liberal. Physically, we are older. I see it in the mirror and in the only slightly graying temples of his still full, dark hair. Mostly I see the smoking hot 42-year-old I met, sexy and strong as ever. But 60 is 60, and it slows some (not all!) things down. Also slowing things down, my rapidly deteriorating knees. A torn MCL at the beginning of the pandemic set them both on a slippery slope and I will need replacements within five years. When I don’t remember I’m not 25 and squat or kneel, I am rapidly reminded!

They say marriage is work. I don’t argue. The most effective work is that you do on yourself. Your tolerance, ability to be separate people and allow your mate to be themselves, however different that may be from you or how you would have them.

Romance, lust, love, friendship, animus, moments of hatred. They all wax and wane. Sometimes in a heartbeat, sometimes over years. It’s beautiful and complicated and I am so grateful I get to do it with him.

Sad cat news.

Our #2 cat, Rerun, became ill this fall. Always robust and pushing 25 lbs at one time, he hid his illness well underneath the most abundant bunny-like fur. Frank noticed he was losing weight. We thought it was a good thing. Then he began throwing up and hiding. I knew what that meant. The vet wasn’t very thorough and suggested increasing his hairball formula. Six weeks later, at his follow-up visit, he was down to 9lbs. :(

We didn’t go back to that vet for the needful. We made an appointment with our mobile vet, who sees Cat #1, Snoopy. She became ill and could not make it on the day. I was frantic to see him out of pain and found a wonderful, caring vet close by. Though completely booked, she worked us in at the exact time he was supposed to go. I wrapped him in his favorite blanket, unwilling to make him endure the hated-carrier, and snuggled him close while Frank made the drive.

It was heartbreaking and beautiful. I’m so glad we were there. Can’t cry now, so…

We are a one-cat family for the first time in nearly 13 years. 14+ Snoopy is doing surprisingly well, despite being apparently deaf as a post. He is my bottle-baby, and as much as I loved Rerun, I’m going to lose my shit when it’s his time.

Bits and pieces

I don’t suppose we will move soon (sigh.) We refinanced at the height of the pandemic and slashed ~$2K from our mortgage payment. Everyone else is panicking about the crash, but we can’t even complain about our reduced appraisal value—it just lowers our tax bill. I ALMOST feel guilty.

I still hope to get out of Maryland before I die. Unbelievable I have lived here longer than anywhere else!

Work has been SSSSSLLLLOOOOWWWW for me, but that is my fault. I get out, rapidly, what I put in, so just need to put in. I will. I always do.

Frank got a hell of a bonus this year, on top of his regular bonus. His boss bought him a ‘22 Ram 1500 4x4 Hemi quad-cab Bighorn. What really happened: his boss said, “go buy Lee a new BMW on me.” Nice to hear! My common sense prevailed, after a fashion. Frank needed a new truck. My BMW is still a beauty, and I don’t put miles on it every day.

When I told him, he said, “Wow. That’s really sensible. Who are you?”

He is over the moon with this truck, even though he swore he loved the POS he had put 250K miles on. It thrills me to see him so happy. He is always doing for others. His boss was agog I demurred, too. It is my gift to see the smile on Frank’s face. Also, the new truck is a pretty sweet ride and looks like a beast.

Besides, I got a hell of a bonus, too. Those who know, know. Those who don’t, I’ll put it in a more private entry.

That’s the good and the bad of the currents. I should do a recap, but I owe you, like, six, so I’ll just come back when I have the motivation.

XOXO