Parental burn out. in Since OD is shutting down....

I can’t explain how fucking tired I am. My body hurts, I have a killer headache and my kid has been just terrible all day. We went and did the backpack thing yesterday. My Dad of course had to go because he’s gotta be able to keep an eye on my Mom. She had text me earlier in the morning and was just so excited that he decided to come. Uh yeah, he can’t control everyone unless he comes along!!

I honestly believe that my Mom is probably one of the dumbest people on the planet. She got so tired of his control and selfishness that she’s left multiple times and had an affair. She goes home where she STILL doesn’t set boundaries and everything goes right back to the exact same predicament. I just don’t know how you could deal with someone wanting to keep tabs on you every minute of the fucking day!!

My daughter starts school soon and I can’t believe how relieved I feel. I am just so tired all the time because I don’t get a minute to myself. I just feel really sad and depressed. My mental health is just hanging on by a thread. I am so tired of my house being an absolute wreck. I can clean all day long and it doesn’t look even halfway decent by bedtime. I’m also tired of the constant fit throwing. She is a really good kid but I can’t handle the screaming and how out of control she gets.

I’m going to talk to her Dr about possible ADHD. I definitely have some concerns and even with me, I still take medication for it. I know my daughter is absolutely perfect and truly the most amazing kid. Very sweet, kind, caring, beautiful, smart, and just has the most incredible heart.

I feel a bit more awake now. I’ve gotten to shower. We ran and got some lunch and I’ve since cooked dinner.

My little brother said something to me yesterday that stuck with me. I was bitching about BD and he told me to quit worrying about it. I will never stop caring that he abandoned his child and refuses to help financially. I do get that I need to just let it rest for the sake of my mental health and I can’t change it but sometimes I just feel like my feelings are completely invalidated and then I end up irate.

I’m allowed to care that I’ve been left to raise a child alone.