Connection in Current Events

Since I got back to the city I have been reconnecting with some friends. Balance, boundaries and discipline are the three words I have been using as a mantra. I keep seeing 666 everywhere. My friends are all going through some shit right now and it is in my nature to get involved and help. However, taking on too much is what caused my last nervous breakdown. Nobody was there for me when my whole world fell apart and I have forgiven but I will never forget.

Bruce, her neighbour was murdered in his home. A sweet 80-year-old man. She took care of his driveway and sidewalks in the winter. He would invite her in for some moonshine. She asked me to come over and I didn’t hesitate. Poor girl. However, her girlfriend wasn’t home. I doubt she noticed but she opened up to me a lot. I appreciated that. I’m trying to support her in making changes for herself, without getting too hands-on. Her drinking is getting out of hand though. Potentially. She’s conscious about it though.

Jess, her mother fell and broke her hip. She’s not exactly that old but I feel bad. This woman was another mother to me. That was twenty years ago. I reconnected with Jess a month ago. When I got back to the city I sent her a text about getting together. She told me about her mother, she has been helping her mother with that and also helping her move. Our friend Shooie and her mother have been very supportive. I’m hesitant to get too involved. I’m going to offer to help with the move. I would also like to visit her mother.

I spent the evening with Bev yesterday. We had a quaint visit. We are both trying to support each other with just about everything. It was just a visit though. She reminded me of what my goals are and that I need to get myself on track.

I had my sister, Melissa, send me the new number for our sister Miranda. Then Mel calls me to tell me that their number is disconnected again. Miranda lives in a town a few hours away from the city. With her addict boyfriend. He must have disconnected that line knowing that she was prepared to leave for a week to come to visit us. I hate that society demands that we feel sorry for these parasites, these addicts. His liver almost failed and he almost died and I remember feeling disturbed by my thoughts going dark and wishing that wouldn’t make it so that all of our lives could get better. A friend that was like a brother to me died from his addiction, it was a sad tragedy but all of our lives got better. It’s not socially acceptable to say that out loud but it is just the truth. That is the reality. There was no parasite sucking the rest of us into a blackhole anymore. I want my sister back. I want this parasite out of our lives.

I have breakfast plans with Kyle today. I haven’t seen him for a couple of years. When we last spoke, via text, he was going through some depression. That was the most human I have ever seen him. This transfer of wealth we are pretending is a pandemic hit him pretty hard. It was a spiritual quest, he was at the midstage where he had disconnected from the old normal and was ready to connect to the new normal but he wasn’t watching the fake news so he was just left disconnected. I told him to connect to himself, as most people are not. I am looking forward to catching up with him.

I resorted to doing the petty thing and just work around Toni’s mess in the kitchen. She is my roommate that is my age but going on 16. She just keeps compounding her mess. It’s really bad and I’m really pissed about it because she is trying to leave it for me. I’m not touching it. I am spiralling about it, internally. I refuse to nag because I already feel like her mother. I’m not going to tell a 36-year-old to clean up after themself. I have to communicate with her at some point. She is driving me nuts. Her mess is dishes that she made me supply, she ate food that she made me supply, and she is eating meals that I even cooked. In return, I get to clean up after her too. She is trying to talk me into going to a kickboxing class with her next Sunday. If we are on good terms I will go. I have no reason to say no.

I caved and got a new phone. Just the latest iPhone. I had the eight and it was cracked to shit. The port to plug it in wasn’t even working. I had a wireless charger which was the only way to charge it. Couldn’t even use headphones. I’m not an idiot, I don’t microwave my brain with AirPods. Anyway, I realized how detoxed from my phone I am because I felt zero hype about getting a new one. I don’t take pictures or selfies. I don’t post on social media etc. However, that is going to change, I hope. I have everything to start making content. Just modern philosophy. My brand is that I am a modern heretic. I just want to talk about what I am witnessing in the world. It will absolutely trigger everybody because everybody hates truth and self-awareness. Maybe I will add value to someone or maybe I won’t. I feel the need to put my message out there.

Anyway, it’s time that I move on with my day.