Effort. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s very saddening, humbling, and sometimes devastating that no one makes much effort with my daughter. I feel like people would truly be happy if neither one of us existed. My whole life has been bent around other people’s control and selfishness and it’s too bad that my daughter has been affected by it as well.

I’ve been so caught up with trying to get the car fixed, dealing with the heat, keeping my daughter entertained that I just realized this morning that school starts in 2 weeks. I know that I’ll be the only one there for her. It’s really bullshit that no one cares enough about HER to take the time to see her off for her first day.

We are going to get school supplies on Tuesday, a backpack drive on the 20th and then go to the open house and I know I’ll be the only one to take her. I refuse to keep asking my Mom as my Dad is just terrified of her being there for anyone besides him and my little brother. He will make absolutely sure that she’s not able to come.

I think about how lonely I am sometimes but I’d rather be lonely than deal with someone controlling every aspect of my life. My Mom has allowed this and it’s honestly disgusting. Like all of this makes me sick. I just don’t know how the fuck you could handle this shit because that’s not normal or healthy!

All I know is I’m definitely excited for her to start school. She’s going to do so well and I’m happy about her making friends. She just adores other kids. It’s too bad my niece has been so ugly to her. I just can’t have her around people who should love her but get to mistreat her and make her feel like that’s okay.

I’m still thinking about missing out last night but I would rather be alive right now than worry about being dead. My little brother is absolutely crazy enough to kill someone and it ain’t gonna be me. It makes me very angry that my parents didn’t give him a life and he was taught to be just an absolute monster by my Dad.

It’s also sickening that my Dad is STILL just so selfish. It’s sad that he’s even jealous of my daughter and makes sure my Mom is around less than the bare minimum. I’m just glad my daughter wasn’t upset that Grandma wasn’t coming last night. I think she’s honestly just so used to this shit like I am that it doesn’t really get to her anymore. I have seen so many TIk Tok’s about how grandparents aren’t like they used to be and that’s accurate as all hell.

But I’ve realized that I’ve made enough effort with my Mom about her being there for my daughter that now it’s time to back off and see if she tries from her end. I’m just so burnt out with everyone at this point that I can’t put forth any more of my time and begging is just not the answer. If people want to be there, they will be. If not, fuck em.