Sickness, low energy, but Happy in Journal

Well I spent yesterday morning shivering (even though it’s 80F here) and barfing. The rest of the day sipping liquids and laying down to keep the stomach cramps at bay. Today I’m feeling better but still weak, and I lost 3lbs =/ which is not great especially pregnant. I’ve gained a total of 10lbs so far this pregnancy, and at 21 (22?!) weeks, I think that’s pretty good.
We (my midwife team and I) have yet to figure out why I feel so fatigued. My iron levels we check every time and continue to be good. My progesterone is a tad low but I supplement so it is being monitored. My thyroid is and always has been on point. But the TIREDNESS will not relent. I’m sick of it. Even at the beach, when I normally feel so energized that I usually swim at least 15 minutes, all I could do was lay down and nap on a chair.
I do feel the heat takes a huge toll on me. And it has been HOT this summer. It’s barely even summer. I haven’t really been able to sweat, either. The heat is way too much for me to attempt a workout that would provoke sweating. When I do sweat, it’s just boob sweat or you know, that really uncomfortable greasy face sweat that is just gross. Not real hard work sweat. Can’t really allow myself to get too warm either since it’s not good for baby. No sauna, no hottub, nothing like that. I’m finding myself wishing we had waited a bit longer to have a spring baby, since this is just so miserable.

There are things I miss about family and having people around through my last pregnancy. I find myself daydreaming about how nice it would be to have a mother or sister or brother or anyone at all that cared enough to come around and get to know our son, or support our family in some small but kind way. I have reached out to my brother a few times, now. Not when I needed anything, and I actually offered to help out and talk and to really put in the effort to see if a relationship was possible. He responded positively at first, but… After a few get togethers it started to become clear that he was not willing to have any conversation that was critical of or put any responsibility on our parents. Especially mom. Oh, the one that got away. When they get away, they really get away. I guess it’s a pretty sweet gig if it works out in her favor.
And, on DH’s side, there is so much dysfunction in so many different people it’s difficult to nail down even a few characteristics to describe them. One thing that I find horrible is their sympathy for and enabling of alcoholics and drug users. DH was invited to a family thing by his cousin, and, concerned, a I asked if there was anything there he would really be looking forward to? After a bit of thought, DH conceded that while he liked to chat and relax, there would be a lot of drinking. A lot of drinkers. A lot of booze. And not a lot of actual connection, love, conversation, or even responsible people to look after all the kids. We had a great weekend anyways; the beach as I mentioned, and a big 4th celebration. But we both miss family.