August 1st. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s already almost 100. Super hot. It’s going to be pretty hot for the next few days. We are keeping cool though. I really don’t have much planned for today other than straightening up the house and staying in not sweating to death. My kid is running around playing. We have her dentist appointment in a week and then there’s going to be some school supply giveaways coming up so we are going to hit those. I have bought just about everything she needs but it would be nice to have some extra.

We went and saw my Mom for awhile yesterday. She told me how I’m a really great Mom and that I have a lot of patience with my kid. She admitted that she had no patience with us kids and I know that it’s because her parents didn’t have patience with her and her siblings. I definitely run out of patience at the end of the day and look forward to bedtime but I definitely have a lot more patience than I ever though I’d have.

I’m excited that my daughter is going to start school. She can’t wait. I’m so happy for her because she loves to learn and loves playing with other kids. I can’t get over how smart she is and they said she’ll probably be reading by the end of the year.

I have considered asking her Dad to come for her first day but I know he would just be there to take pictures and look like a great Dad on Facebook. I’d rather not have to worry about someone trying to take her from school or something bad happening all because he’s a fucking clout chaser. I just can’t get over the mess he’s made where I don’t even want him taking photos of her.

There is a wage withholding but I doubt I’ll see any money because we have a big event starting Friday that he works at every year because it’s under the table. I think he’s just working now so he’ll have money when he gets there. I am seriously sick of how this guy has done everything he can to dodge supporting his child and only wants to see her when he sees fit. It’s fucking selfish. I honestly can’t deal with it anymore.

I’m also thinking about how nice it’s going to be when my daughter starts school because I’ll be able to start prioritizing myself. I can’t wait to get back to the gym, start meal prepping and think about a job. I know that I’m not trying to work a lot because I have to have time for myself and my daughter but I miss working. I’d like to see other adults and make money. I’m honestly feeling a sense of dread and anxiety not being with my daughter all the time because it’s what I’m used to. I already feel the Mom guilt. I know she’s happy for school but I’m honestly a little sad too.

So I’m currently waiting on the next car part and hoping my friend is going to fix both here relatively soon. He does have a job and we are in a heat wave. I guess my brother asked my Mom if I’ve found any help and she didn’t respond. The only reason he cares is because we have a huge event starting on Friday and he’s either going to want me to babysit or be the DD. He doesn’t understand that I’m not going to be either one. I’ve been the DD for 20 years!! He hasn’t once drove my drunk ass around so I refuse to do it anymore. I’m also pissed that we got there last year and he tells me that his vehicle doesn’t have insurance and this is after he’s super drunk so I have to drive.

It’s just crazy that people seriously have no regard for me whatsoever. I have more than enough problems and I don’t want to be the DD nor do I want to risk my license so someone else can have a good time. I’ve always been the one to look out for everyone else and I can honestly say that I’ve never had a night out where someone was my DD or anyone offered to watch my child. He asked me the Summer I had my daughter if I had found a babysitter because he wanted me to drive him around. Like wtf! I just had a baby 3 weeks ago!

I’m just so tired of no one giving a flying fuck about me or my kid. It’s gotten severely old at this point. I also think it’s great that I’ve been his DD for 20 years but won’t help me out when my cars break down. He never did even come look at them. I don’t know how the fuck you could be this selfish. We were raised by the same people even.