Thinking about it in A transparent lockbox

I’m unsure why, but I can’t help but think of you all these years later. When I read the news for your area, I’m always afraid the car crash victim might be you, I worry about your house in the storms, I hope your pets are okay. Things didn’t go the way either of us had hoped, and it would’ve been easier to hate you, but I couldn’t. I’ll never reach out, it isn’t who I am, and despite my desires, I hope you don’t either. We are meant to be the ones that could’ve been with each other, I think it would lose the romance otherwise. It’s better to be idyllic about it all rather than bitter, don’t you think?
Sometimes though, I’ll listen to the playlists that I made in the memory of us, and to remember what I felt with you. I haven’t felt that since; though I’ve tried. Gone on dates, chatted for weeks hoping to feel life where there was none, and ultimately decided it’s less strenuous to abstain from it all for a bit. I re-listen to the playlists because sometimes I need to remember that I am capable of feeling something, especially when I wake up and find myself burnt and dull.

Last updated September 16, 2023