feels like poetry... but it's not.... in Second 1st

even 519 miles away it’s fire
still feel the need to shout about it
but must remain a liar
trying to remember how it wasn’t a lie to begin with

I was okay depriving myself
deserved for what little I had done
in healing, in independence, for myself
I had no right to fight for things I wanted
If I just gave away everything I had anyway

I’ve sat here thinking this was all there is
This is what I deserve, this is the hill I die on
I’ve suffered neglect accepting it as normal
We all go through this
It’s a matter of growing up right?

Concentrate on what we can do
What we can change
work harder, do more, move forward
always forward, don’t stop, what’s next
make that list, check marks, lines
move along, that’s life, that’s everyone’s life right?

Now here I am wondering where this fire has been
how I can get more because even if it’s fleeting it’s still fire
It still burns me at the touch 519 miles away.....