HOT! in Since OD is shutting down....

So it’s triple digits today. It’s been massively hot for the last several days but today is the worst. It’s supposed to cool down after today for a little while though. I’m hoping they are going to replace my AC because it’s just not powerful enough to reach the bedrooms so we’ve been sleeping in the livingroom.

I’ve signed my Dad up to receive a free cell phone and it’s coming to my house because my phone is off and will be at least until the 1st. I haven’t had a working cell phone in over a week so I’m unable to make or receive calls. I need to call and get my daughter scheduled for her check up and call other places for stuff and I can’t right now. I’m grateful to still have wifi though so I can stay in touch with people through messenger and what not.

It’s been a pretty stressful Summer and just about everything that could go wrong has and I’m really hopeful for at least one good thing to happen this week. I’ve gotten my daughter some of her school supplies and then I plan to get her shoes next month and find some outfits for school. I don’t have a lot of money but I’m going to see what’s at the second hand stores and I’m honestly just more concerned with finding clothes that look nice and fit her well instead of buying brand new stuff. My daughter is hard on clothes so that’s part of the reason I don’t care to spend a lot of money.

I was at the rents on Saturday where I was looking at stuff on my Mom’s phone where I discovered some text messages that were pretty alarming. I guess it was about a month ago she was gone somewhere and apparently my little brother had been texting her saying my Dad was drunk and was tearing up the bathroom. He could hear stuff hitting the floor and getting thrown around. I’ve always known that there’s gotta be some kinda reason why my Mom is always in a hurry to leave when she comes over and now I have solid evidence as to why. I always saw my little brother pissed that my daughter and I were there and was pissed that we weren’t leaving fast enough.

I plan to just stay really civil and just know that it’s not my fight to fight. My Mom is choosing this crazy shit everyday and never talks about it because she knows that SHE herself is not ready to make any changes to get the fuck out of it. My little brother is just another crazy ass dictator because this is all he’s ever been shown. I also think it’s crazy how my little brother and my Dad both act pretty sane when we are around but have a whole other side to them behind closed doors.

Still haven’t talked to my brother because of his kid deliberately spraying bug repellent in my daughter’s eyes and he doesn’t get why. He’s another one that just has to go along with whatever because there will be consequences if he doesn’t. My whole family is so fucked up. They have plenty to say about me being a single Mom but I’d rather raise my daughter by myself then have her growing up in a household like theirs!

Since both of my parents are working, they’ve decided they are going to help me with my light bill and I’ve told my Mom I want to go out on the 12th but I don’t know if that’s going to work because my Dad and little brother are fucking crazy so I’m just going to tell her if you can’t just say that because I don’t want to get my hopes up and than the day comes and she’s not able to help me out. I’d like to go out even once this whole Summer so I’m going to be pretty pissed if someone fucks that up for me.

I think about the fact that we are half way through the Summer and next year, she will be able to attend the Summer programs that are offered here so I’ll be able to keep working and plan on having a life too. I love my daughter but I’ve become so lost in Motherhood that I need to find myself again. I can’t even express how excited I am to be able to find a job and start working. I’ll be able to get myself to appointments and not have to worry about someone watching her because she’ll be at school.

Not having a working phone has been kinda hard and it’s really bothered me not being able to talk to my friend because we’ve tried over messenger but my internet kept running too slow. It sucks but I realize it’s good for me to not talk to her. She’s another one that is super negative about my life and my situation. I think it’s really healthy and beneficial for ME that we don’t talk for a minute. It just isn’t fun not really having friends and the only one I really maintain communication with manages to piss me off.