Being Happy? in Help Me Please

I wonder if anyone in this world is really happy or do they just pretend to be so others won’t ask nosey questions? I know for me I don’t like me and never have no matter what has happened in my life. The good or the bad because that never lasts long. Like when I am at my perfect weight I still think I should be skinnier and I have never liked what I see in the mirror.
But everyday I wake up I tell myself it’s going to be a good day and that I am lucky to be alive.
I often wish I had one of those bodies where I was the perfect weight and didn’t have to work so hard at being the right weight. And I think my weight is what is giving me all my negative thoughts and they won’t go away ever. I wonder if there is anyone else who hates themselves because of their weight? I mean don’t get me wrong I do enjoy life and doing different things but my weight is always with me and I find myself always thinking I want to just take a knife and cut the fat out and never have to deal with it again. And I am not fat enough to have the surgery to get rid of it. The only way for me to loose weight is to follow a weight loss plan and do that for the rest of my life but then I am so strict with myself that I miss out on a lot of other nutrients. And being a volume eater does not help either. But then there is also the gravies and sauces that I often don’t have and if I do I have less then what the recipe is and then I wonder why I don’t like what I am eating. Now I am at the point where I want to start to loose weight again but my head space is just not there yet. It’s really a shame that I have to hit rock bottom before I start this weight loss.
Enough about this on to something else…

Today hubby wants to go get some new runners and to do some grocery shopping so I am getting a grocery list ready so we can get what we need and want. Actually we really don’t need that much but the things we do need is always the fresh stuff like fruit and vegetables. And since inflation went up 8% it’s hard to get things that are affordable. I wonder if the industry knows what they are doing and making it nearly impossible for families to eat nutritiously? You would think that they would want people to be able to eat and not have to choose between their electricity or their medication just to get what they need to eat. And the truth be told these major companies don’t have to charge so much they can make it very affordable if they want to but it’s all about the money and the retirement package they get so everyone else suffers or starves.
Dinner tonight I am thinking smokies and rice and some sort of vegetable.
Last night I made a roast and roasted potatoes and carrots and there is only a small piece of roast beef left so I know it was really good and perfectly done.

Onto something else…

I need to stop here…
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe and Behave.

Last updated July 18, 2022