Taxes. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so..... I have gotten 3 letters from the IRS saying they need another 60 days to review and that I don’t have to do anything. Well, I have since linked up with a tax advocate and I guess they told her that I put something in the wrong spot and need to do an amended return. I got that all done yesterday and sent it in certified mail so they can’t say they didn’t get it. I still am not sure how much longer I’ll have to wait but at least I’ve done what I could. The tax preparer said that it takes a long time but said the computer told her like a month. I know it’s probably going to be a long wait since the IRS has a backlog and blah blah blah but I would be super happy to at least have a date.

I am seriously so tired of worrying about money that I could scream. I'm looking forward to planning on getting a job in a couple of months when my daughter starts school. I've always worked and been productive so it's hard to not be doing that. It's taken a huge toll on my mental health and self esteem. I'm ready to be making money again. It's stressful thinking about getting a job and learn new things and personalities but it's better than sitting around not working.

So I really text my brother and asked if my kids’ sperm donor remembered her birthday and said anything about it. I guess he did and said he missed her. Well, if that was the case he would have been a Dad all along! Things aren’t like this for no fucking reason!! I think it’s bullshit that he’s been completely absent but wants to swoop in when it serves him and not care how that affects my child. I just can’t let him do it anymore. I refuse to allow him to play off my daughter’s emotions. I don’t want him seeing her because then she’s going to expect to see him and then I’ll ask him and it turns into this deal where I’m going to basically mind or my daughter will suffer.

This guy has completely destroyed what trust I could ever had and has done nothing but put me through a ringer and I’ll be damned if I’m going to just sit and tolerate his abuse and chaos for the sake of my child because then she’s going to grow up and think that it’s normal and then find herself in the same situation because she grew up watching it.

I just don’t know what the answer is. All I know is I’m not going to be under someone’s emotional control. I’m not going to ‘be a good girl’ or have to figure out how to tell my daughter that if I don’t do as he says and follow his stipulations then she isn’t going to see him. I ain’t about to let this guy have any type of control over me and he’s going to have it whether I give in or not because I’m still a single Mom but I’d rather be happy and just do it on my own without the added head games.

All he wants to do is be able to play off my daughter’s emotions, control me, and get negative reactions from me. It’s all about pushing you to your breaking point, getting you to react, and then flipping it around saying that you are the crazy one. He’s gotten enough rises out of me that I just don’t react anymore. Even when he told me I was autistic, I wrote back and said, “okay” because I just don’t care enough. I’m autistic because he’s not getting his fucking way and he’s not getting to use my daughter to serve his own selfish needs to impress the new supply. He’s pissed because I have him figured out.

I know that he’s hoping at some point I will have to give in to his drama, lies, and chaos and go along with whatever he wants so he can use my child but I haven’t yet so he can continue to live in his own delusions.

Believe me, I understand that my daughter needs her Dad but she needs a Dad that wants just that. Not to use her to look good for other people or to keep me in line. She needs a Dad that is more interested in being in her life than having control over me.

Another thing. He’s shown very poor judgment when I did let him take her that couple of times. He had her outside by herself while he was inside sleeping and playing video games. When I said I was going to pick her up, he told me to “calm down” ugh no she’s not going to be outside alone! I also had to pack her clothes and food which the other kids took and she had nothing because they also took her tablet from her!

The other concern with him living with the new supply is we don’t know how they get along and interact with one another. I also worry that he would be bad mouthing me in front of my daughter or to her directly and then her coming home and telling me everything that was said. He’s got a lot of issues with immaturity and truly doesn’t know how to keep kids out of adult problems. I am not going to ever allow him the special right to make my daughter feel like her whole life has been a lie when HE HIMSELF IS THE FUCKING LIE!