Shit show. in Since OD is shutting down....

So there’s been some shit going on that I’m really upset about. I’ll start with last night. We are over at my brother’s house after my daughter’s nap where everything is going just fine until my niece, she’s 11 decided to spray my kid in the face with bug repellent. As my daughter is screaming in pain saying, “it burns, it burns” my brother says, “she’s fine” and at this point I’m in complete fucking panic because no one was trying to help her by even grabbing a bottle of water to rinse her eyes out. After about a minute and a half, they finally bring her a wet paper towel. I’m about to call 911 as I’m almost hysterical. My niece doesn’t apologize and they don’t reprimand her whatsoever.

There was so much I wanted to say but I stayed pretty calm because I’m not allowed to say anything as things are going to end up out of control if I do. I am so fucking sick of being around people where you KNOW if you react, it’s going to get really crazy. There’s been multiple times my niece has physically injured my daughter and they don’t say one fucking word to her so that’s probably why she keeps doing it!

We went on with the night but I should have said it was time for us to go home. I again was able to stay super calm and collected but one of these times, I’m going to fucking snap. The next person who harms my child is going to be sorry. I’m going to catch a charge and I’ll smile in my mugshot. I’m really upset at how much my kid has been mistreated by EVERYONE and how the only time I feel she’s protected is when we’re at home. Once we are around other people, I have no fucking say in what goes on and if I react, then I’m the problem.

I think about how I should probably buy a first aid kit and keep it in my car but no matter what I carry around with me, I will never be prepared enough for every possible scenario. I don’t trust anyone and every time something like this happens, it makes me glad that we live by ourselves where I don’t have to worry about stuff happening all the time. I don’t like how when we are around other people and things happen, I can’t react the way I want and I can’t say the things I probably should say. I’m supposed to be super laid back about absolutely everything and the truth is, I’m actually a very high strung person.

Another thing. My brother was a piece of absolute trash up until about 10 years ago. Him and his girlfriend lived off welfare and neither one of them worked. They bragged about having a free home and food stamps. My brother thinks that he is truly better than everyone else because he came up. He LOVES to sit and make backhanded comments about me and my situation to the point where it’s really put me into a depression hole. I think he gets a lot of pleasure from my problems. I think he literally gets a high from the negativity in my life. I was talking to them about my daughter’s birthday party before the incident and he made a comment about how I’ll get pizza and it’ll probably be the cheapest.

I don’t have a job as I don’t have daycare. I can’t afford it on my own and my daughter’s deadbeat father doesn’t pay child support. I’m sorry that there’s only so much I can do and try to make the best of it. I really don’t need someone being mean that I can’t do as much for my child as they are able to for their own. I also don’t feel like feeding people that don’t give a fuck to begin with and don’t want to be involved with her party unless it’s at their house, they are telling me what I’m going to spend on her birthday dinner and what all I’m going to buy.
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Since it’s so miserable trying to organize a party, I decided we aren’t going to have one this year. I plan to take her out for her day and do fun stuff and then go out to eat. I’m going to order her cake and we’ll probably do that this weekend. It’s just too stressful trying to put anything together because it’s always going to be on someone else’s clock and when they feel like it and only certain people can be there because they don’t want to make any effort being around anyone where they might feel uncomfortable and completely forget that this isn’t about them.

I literally hate everyone around us and I wish that things would have went better with my friend so I would have felt comfortable moving there. Something’s gotta change before I lose what’s left of my mind.