Bible camp. in Since OD is shutting down....

I really took my daughter to the bible study thing yesterday and it was not the best experience for someone like me who is introverted and has an overall dislike for the human population. I took my time driving there and still got there too early and then there was dinner. Then, there was singing and praying and blah blah blah so I was there about 2 hours and then nobody bothered to say when the parents could go and there was a lot of confusion. I went back and got her about an hour an half later and then it was still over an hour before we could leave because they gave all the kids free coupons for a snow cone so in order to get outside, we had to wait in line for that.

I felt really closed in and there was so many people that I could feel myself starting to panic. I was annoyed that it started late and then ended late and it was a lot of gas to get there because it was outside of town. I asked my daughter if she wanted to go today and she didn’t say anything so I took that as a no. I didn’t push it because I definitely didn’t want to take her and deal with that all over again. I like that the community does this kind of stuff for the kids and everything but I felt that was just wasn’t very organized and it was a huge hassle for me.

I remember sitting there listening to the sermon thinking about how my BD has NEVER had to climb out of HIS comfort zone like I have. It really pisses me off that I’ve always done this kind of stuff for my kid and he’s never done it even once.

We’ve just hung out at home today but tomorrow, we have to run uptown because I have a couple things to do. I have counseling on Thursday and pretty sure my brother will watch her. I don’t hear much from my Mom these days as she’s under full control at her house and I don’t want to ask her because I don’t want to worry about my Dad being around my kid and my house fucking trashed. She watched her the other day for about 40 minutes so I could get groceries and I had to come back and clean up because she can’t handle telling my kid no or even pick up the big chunks. I walk in and she’s sitting on the couch eating a popsicle while my kid was in the bath wasting shampoo and conditioner because she had no supervision. It’s just too fucking expensive having my Mom watch her.

I’m also irritated that I helped them with her birthday dinner and didn’t get a thank you. I got her a $10 package of chicken breast the other day and didn’t get a thank you. Then, she text me on Friday asking for the food bank list which is lowkey asking me to help with groceries and that’s just not something I’m willing to do anymore. I’ve helped them out here and there with something for dinner and that’s all I’m going to do. There’s been too many times in the past that I’ve helped them and then sat around starving. I have a child to worry about. I know that they don’t understand because they themselves never made their children a priority so they don’t get it when my brother and I do.

I know damn well if I didn’t get the help I get, my daughter and I would starve. There’s never been any type of help from my parents whatsoever and that’s fine but they shouldn’t expect it from me either! I seriously see my parents and little brother as trash. They seriously don’t give a fuck about my older brother or myself unless it’s going to benefit them. I’m over it. I’ve put up with this shit my whole life and that’s why now I just won’t anymore. I may help here and there but it’s not going to be more than the bare minimum.