Not as hot. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been a lot cooler the past couple of days and it’s going to be cool tomorrow too. I was able to clean up the house today and get the laundry done without sweating my ass off and can actually be outside and feel comfortable. I don’t do well in the heat and we still have a couple of months to deal with it.

My daughter talked to her Dad tonight. She was kinda shy at first. He asked if I was there listening which pissed me off but it’s whatever. He told my brother that talking to her brightened his day. I am really hoping that he seriously is going to be working because it would be nice to get some child support pretty soon. I know that even if I do, it’s not going to be for too long because he can’t do good and stay doing good because it takes too much effort.

My Mom came for awhile yesterday. I got to run and get groceries and have a minute to myself. She was in a big rush to leave as usual. We had a BBQ at my brothers which she didn’t go because all she ever wants to do is sit at her own house. I guess my little brother got internet which really pisses me off because I think they should have him get a job or maybe volunteer so that he starts getting integrated into society because they aren’t going to live forever.

I am pretty stressed about money because I am not able to replace what I’m spending. I really wish I could work because constantly worrying about everything is really dragging me down.

My Mom text me tonight and asked about the food bank schedule so they are STILL struggling to keep food in the house. They each have a paycheck coming in every month and food is still not a priority. She dropped a the hint for her birthday dinner about 3 weeks ago so I got them some food because I didn’t want her to not have something to eat on her fucking birthday but when she text me tonight, I know she was lowkey hoping I was going to offer to buy them groceries and I just won’t do it.

I have gotten to the point where I don’t want to help at all. I just don’t think I should have to when they are grown ass people and should be able to live comfortably on the money they get every month. They own their house and their cars. It’s not my problem that my Dad and little brother are sucking every last penny they get from her to keep her feeling trapped and financially strapped. They need to grow the fuck up. Seriously, they couldn’t make it before this inflation so I don’t know what the fuck they plan to do NOW!

There was a quote I saw on Facebook the other day that said, “whatever you aren’t changing, you’re choosing” and that is really fitting for their situation.

My daughter has talked to her Dad on the phone today and yesterday. They didn’t talk for long today but I guess he told her to be drinking water and staying hydrated. He said something about having presents for her and that triggers me because he doesn’t have any, he’s said this shit a million times before and never comes through. I’ve been thinking a lot about the absolute mess he’s created and can’t figure out why the fuck there’s going to be boundaries.

I’m really stressed out about her birthday because no one is going to be around because my brother has to work that day and it’s like pulling teeth for my Mom to come over. I plan on taking her swimming or whatever she wants to do, then probably go out to eat. Probably make a birthday party this weekend or next weekend. It’s really annoying how the fuck all of this has to be. I know my daughter wants to see her Dad for her birthday but with that comes a lot of shit and tension from all sides.

I have said so many times before that he shouldn’t see her again until there’s a court order and I’ve still let him see her. All he does is use her for pictures to look like a great Dad on Facebook and then as she’s starting to get attached, he doesn’t see her again for months. I refuse to allow that to happen anymore because she’s not old enough to comprehend what’s going on. I don’t even fully understand so I can’t explain it to her.

Even when I talked to him the other day and mentioned a custody agreement in writing, he balked at that. He doesn’t want her unless it’s all for his own benefit. I’d like to set something up where I’d be able to make money and have social life. He won’t go along with that because he’s the typical narc that just wants to use his child to control the Mom. Well, unfortunately after how much he’s fucked this situation up, it’s going to not be just what he wants when he wants it. I was super irritated when he mentioned taking her for a month when he’s never been a Dad. He took her overnight 3 times last year and his family was there taking care of her the whole time.

I am so sorry for him being my child’s Father and if I could go back and change it, believe me I would. No one deserves to go through what I have and I’m sorry for anyone who’s had to deal with this shit. It’s absolutely maddening. It sucks that this person is the way he is and knowing he’s never going to change is really hard to deal with but I refuse to allow him to cause more damage to my child.