2 more things and well. idinno i forgot. my sister. in 2022.

so. on the 12th. of next month, or so. it’ll be 2 yrs. since i got my last concussions. yes, as in plural i got 2 w/i 5 mins. of each other. i. it’s weird. i apparently wrote about it in here. it was the day of my vision appt. actually. and that’s. a reason i don’t want a vision appt. bc an hr. or so after. is when i got my concussions. it’s funny; on sat. when the bus was coming back from my mom’s and i was on it. i saw construction workers repairing that intersection. so. idinno.
2 yrs. well almost. wow. that is not a lot of time. but i’m i’m ok now. no, really. it took me untill. ........... oct. or so of 2020 to fully recover.

so. in may which was last month. was 9 yrs. since my sister took over. and the reason i moved out of ‘my’ place. [it’s a bit unfair to blame her when. i was the one who opened my big stupid mouth and told her. a guy had been staying w/ me...............sure, yeah. but w/e she decided to do w/ that info wasn’t of course my decision. i. actually didn’t think much about it um. last month cause i had covid and also i went to nola so. ]. um. anyway.
and. last month. it also. had been 9 yrs. since my last bgi OD. so on may 3, 2013 i. overdosed on 2 cups of wine and benadryl. apparently again i had drug poisoning. evan was there. i mean. idinno. evan. god............... it’s. idinno. i’ve been reading over my past entries and. oh bc i wanted to figure out when my last filling/cavity was. and................yes that’s why. idinno.
i. also, didn’t think much about that, the OD, last month. i mean the 3rd when i was in nola w/ my mom sure, a little. and then about the 13th of may 2013, i moved out.
right so. i was thinking about that recently, actually. like w/i the last um few months. and honestly. as much as evan did and i think stilll does. mean/t to me. i think a lot of it was bc of my sister. which wasn’t fair to me. bc i felt um..............god and i had it so perfectly articulated when i. first um thought of it. i felt. like bc she didn’t give him much of a chance i had to. so. was it an ingenuine friendship? i. i don’t know. maybe. i. don’t think he know, considering we haven’t talked in god knows how long. no um. my point being. it wasn’t fair to me. for me to feel like that. to feel like i had to be his friend out of guilt. like he and i were on a metaphorical island and my sister was our ‘anchor’ and we couldn’t leave. bc she pulled me down. bc she stationed me. no that’s. that’s exactly what it is! was. no still is.
god if she hadn’t. ........... to think. what might’ve been ya know? and this was after. i felt this way evidently after. i moved out. so. apparently it wasn’t entirely of my own volition that he was my friend. no. she was the outside influence.
bc. of what i did. i know, i know. but it is. really. really hard not to blame myself for her actions or w/e.
that’s wow. um. hm.
so yeah that’s where i’m at. regarding the evan-kate thing. which i guess was the apparent point of this entry. [oh ‘kate’ being my sister.]. no. it wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. and. just no.