Vent in Current Events

It no longer makes sense to live in the area that Toni and I live in because she is starting a new job closer to my workplace. We started looking for a new apartment or house to rent in that area. I’m pretty pumped about the idea of moving. I do love this apartment, it’s amazing! We get a lot for very cheap. This area is not bad either but we didn’t get to shop around when we moved into this one. Everything just fell into place beautifully. We are going to take our time looking for a new one.

Prior to moving in together, I was couch surfing. I had lost everything and all I had was my new job when we rushed to find a place. I have some PTSD of sorts from that situation which I might take my friend’s help with. She started life coaching. I am literally procrastinating an audiobook about procrastination right now. I got some issues that I could work on. I need to move forward with my life already.

The owner of the store that Toni is leaving started fighting hard to keep her. He was willing to match the salary that she was offered and lock her in for Monday to Friday. He really got into her head but I talked some sense into her. It would just be the same shit that was eating her soul but with a pretty salary. She firmly told him that she is moving on today when he called her, again. He is a mob boss type that doesn’t take being told no very well. I don’t know him but I don’t like him because he is in hot water with the government in my province. He helped build a police station and inflated the cost of everything to pocket the difference. He stole from taxpayers.

Toni was saying that if she stayed she would be taken care of. I told her that she can take care of herself. Toxic codependence is a nasty characteristic trait in general but that is his game. He is love bombing her right now. I am glad that I woke her up to that. Narcissists are very skilled at manipulation. Also, so am I but luckily I don’t want things from people but for people. Generally.

I am going to break it to Linda tomorrow that she is going to have to start finding a new means to get to work. She is a coworker that I drive daily. She applied for the same position that I did but it is paramount that she has a way to get there by six in the morning. She and my boss discussed what that would look like and I was a part of that solution but not part of that conversation. I have too much self-respect to let myself be used so that she can advance herself at work.

A while ago, Linda talked me into letting her drive my car to work when I pick her up. She needs to get practice so she can get her license. When she originally asked for me to help her with this I told her to book her road test first. I knew she would not hold herself accountable and she proved me right. She refused to book that road test and I got tired of her making excuses not to drive. I have a headache, I’m too tired, it’s too wet out, we don’t have enough time. That aggravates me because she doesn’t respect my time. I was leaving early so that she could drive but she refused to do so. This makes me early for work and I don’t want to be very early the way she does. Taking her home is something I do not want to do either. She doesn’t respect my time when it is time to leave. It can take up to an additional 15 minutes for her to get it together to leave. I would rather just go straight home or have the freedom to not go straight home. I’m going to tell her to start busing home. Maybe that will create some incentive for her to get her life right?

The problem is that this might look like retaliation. We had some drama at work because of her big mouth. She told people on my team that my boss promised the position to her. This was before I even had my interview so I brought it up. I don’t know what the outcome was of it with our HR because we all had to sign NDAs. We also signed a no retaliation agreement. However, they cannot expect me to be used like this. Whatever, I don’t care. This shouldn’t be a thing. I just want to make my expectations clear with her. I was talking with Ronnie about it at work. She was using him as a ride while I was sick in December and he got tired of waiting at the end of his shift so he just left her high and dry. She does not respect other people’s time.

Linda did not work today. I planted the seed to my coworkers that I am looking to make a shift of residence. They then asked what about Linda? I told them that I haven’t broken the news to her yet. This will affect her chances of getting that position. Did I bring that up to hurt her chances of getting that position over me? Not necessarily but I know that it does indeed hurt her chances and I don’t dislike that. I am going to tell her that she has a small window of opportunity if she wants me to help her get her license but I expect her to put on her big girl pants and step up because her job is on the line if she cannot get there in general. It’s time for her to stop being codependent.

On that note, I also offered to help Toni with driving. She also doesn’t have a license. I am going to bully her into driving me around this weekend. She also commits to excuses. I’m not better, honestly. I project this aspect of myself onto them but I am going to work on it. Eventually lol.

I just wanted to get that rant out of the way. I am very groggy. My nap made me more tired. I am so tired of being tired. Everything was fine before the daylight savings bullshit. Like, fuck off with that shit. Anyway, I suppose I shall try and sleep.

Oh, yes. It happened again. I was thinking about porn at work today. I didn’t even realize how much control over this I didn’t have until very recently. I’ve quit eggs, meat, dairy, cigarettes, daily drinking and a litany of toxic habits but pornography seems to be the bane of my existence. Frig. The last time I tried to quit I ended up making some for myself. TMI, I know! I need to get my life right and open a bible.

Speaking of Bible. I do my own bible studies. It’s all astrology and it uses allegories to teach us alchemy, biology, cosmology, philosophy, physics, etc. I make a joke with one of my friends about needing to do bible studies and she always tells me to stop. We went out for breakfast on Sunday and she told me that I only get to make three Bible jokes after I made one. As we were leaving I noticed that a priest took my seat and I pointed that out to her and said it is a sign! She died. It was so funny.

Last updated June 14, 2022