Stupid complicated. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I tried to sign my kid up to get some extra help with school clothes where I was to sign her up for a bible school but the website was down, no one answered the phone, and my emails never got a response. I’m seriously pissed that they make everything as complicated as they possibly can over $70 when it’s to be spent at a certain store where everything is expensive as shit and we would have gotten maybe 3 outfits.

I plan to just buy school clothes from Walmart, Goodwill and off Marketplace and I am positive I’ll get a crap load of stuff for $70 or even less. I’d like her to have at least 6 outfits plus I still have to buy shoes and a backpack. I’m annoyed that I have to worry about all this by myself but that’s nothing new. I seriously am disgusted at how people can be straight up deadbeats and still play the fucking victim. Just disgusting.

I’m beyond irritated with being a single Mom with zero fucking help. It’s bullshit that he gets to be out here wandering around with zero responsibility and STILL be throwing dirt on my name. I’m the one making sure she’s safe, happy, and healthy at all times. I’m the one to plan her birthday party and pay for everything. I’m the one without childcare so that I can work. I’m the one trying to just make the best out of my situation and all he does is play the victim card.

Sometimes life can really be unfair but I just try to deal with things and know I’m strong as hell being a single Mom and just give my kid the best life I can. It’s unfair that my daughter has to be affected by his choices. She told me the other night before she went to sleep that she wishes she had a Dad. It makes me very upset because that’s the one thing I can’t give her. I feel very inadequate. I feel like a failure. I can’t believe that this is who I chose to have a child with. I’ve been a single Mom since I found out I was pregnant.

There’s just a lot of residual anger, sadness, guilt, and hate on my end. I try and listen to other people and their advice but I know how I feel. My brother thinks that I should just let him see her when he pleases because that makes me the bigger person but I’ve done that for almost 5 years now. I’m burnt the fuck out. I just don’t think it’s healthy for him to be around her because all he’s ever going to do is be a toxic, damaging person in her life. I’d rather her hate me for him not being around then feel rejected by him.