Money and Happiness in Days of My Destiny

Most of the time, I enjoy my life. By "most of the time" I mean around 97 or 98% of the time. We are healthy, happy, free. We have no health issues or problems that inhibit or prohibit any dreams or plans we might have. Everyday is beautiful, with amazing weather. The only thing that ever really goes wrong is my attitude or lack of perspective.

But sometimes.............. I try to analyse my values and see if we really are living our values. I grew up knowing that the wealth of my soul was more important than material wealth. That spiritual gains are better than financial gains. So when I analyse our life....... I see that I am living a life of financial gain. I see that we are faraway from family, which I value, for material gain. I see that my daughters are not growing up with their cousins, the way I imagined they would - because we made a decision to take them away from all of that - for material gain. Or I see the fact that we are here for a controversial reason - and gaining financial benefits. Or I see that I am surrounded by people that value some of the same things that I do, but don't value some of the other things I value, such as animal welfare, or at the very least, respecting animals as intelligent souls that we can have connections with.

We won't be here forever, I know that. In fact we have a four-year-plan which is only known to my sister and L's parents at this moment. We refer to it as the 4YP in front of the kids so that the oldest one doesn't catch drift just yet. (After all, plans change. Plus, she does not need to know right now.) But last night I was thinking about all of these things and I sort of felt ... hypocritical. It's like... I'm willing to not exactly live my values, for a time, so that we can get material gain......... even though REALLY, if we followed MY dreams rather than his, we'd be building schools in a third world country with our kids in tow. We'd be poorer financially, but SO MUCH RICHER in spirit. I'd be able to confidently tell my children the same things I heard growing up - that money doesn't buy happiness. How do I do that, when we are living here because we chased better money?

Of course we have gained other things that I never knew we would gain, and that we would've never gained otherwise. Things such as genuine friends, positive people, humble people. Beautiful surroundings. A peaceful lifestyle, day after day. No traffic. No road rage. Close proximity to animals, both tame and wild. Amazing birdsong all around us, all day everyday. Things like that.

Today I read a quote that has eased my discomfort, or uncertainty, about where I stand with how we are living versus what I value. The quote says, There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things... wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.

This quote has eased my feelings because I realise that..... we aren't exploiting our financial gains here. We are simply setting up to live a simple life. L has bought the camping gear he has always wanted, and other than that, we are paying off our house like we've never been able to before. It's not like I'm off, spending money all the time, getting my hair and nails professionally done every so often, or getting a thousand massages or buying everything I want. I'm still home most of the time and the money I do spend (other than groceries) is on clothes or shoes the girls need, or fitness (I do the Battle PT and Zumba once a week). I mean the idea is that L won't have to work hard forever, the way he would've had to in our old life. We don't want much - we just want to pay off our house and live humbly and happily in it afterwards. Ideally, we might even pay off our house in ten years, and then after that, L can work part-time. [And actually we kind of need this plan, as he has weak wrists - something that developed from his old job - and he needs his hands to work. He doesn't use his hands in this job as laboriously as he did in his old job, which is buying him a few more years. Basically, if he were to go to his old job and use his hands the way he used to, he'd end up with carpel tunnel - and then what? What man would want to lose his ability to work before he was even close to retiring age-wise?] I will also be working, and we can spend more time doing more of the things we love, such as camping, or travelling. There will be time for the things I've always envisioned myself doing - such as building schools in a third world country somewhere. Through the quote I have read, I see that yes okay, L's job is controversial for some (a lot of) people, and yes, we will gain material wealth from it - but we are not planning to be here forever just to get filthy rich and exploit the system. We're here for a humble enough reason - to pay off our house - and that's it. In the meantime, we are gaining riches for the soul that we may not have gained had we never moved here, by way of who and what we are surrounded by here. After reading that quote, I can be confident that I CAN be happy and STOP feeling guilt or discomfort - because the only way I will be truly happy is by stop worrying! And also, I can be confident that we don't want GREAT possessions - we have few wants, and if we can realise those wants and not worry - then happiness is here! Right here right now!

But yeah.... as I said... for the most part, we DO know how to be happy wherever we are. We've been pretty happy in the almost-10 years we've known each other, and in those ten years we've travelled to different countries, been broke as, poor, had children, studied, faced difficulties, moved our whole life elsewhere, got better income - and through all of it, we are happy people. Happy as individuals, and happy as a couple.