Door dash and demigirl in Second 1st

Rode around with Jake yesterday. He works for Door Dash. I don’t understand how though. I mean I know how it works but....well.... We did our first run and his mom called saying her car broke down so we went to the area she was going to be in, did another dash then waited at the place she was having the car towed.

“Jake, does your mom even understand what you do for money?” “Not really.” Honestly, if she did she would have called him when she was at the car shop, waiting patiently till he had orders in that direction, or could pick her up between orders. I asked him about his goals. “10 a day, $40 a week.” Who’s living on $40 a week?!?!? He’s not surviving pay check to paycheck. He’s surviving delivery to delivery. I feel for him. He’s got a degree in sociology but is far to empathetic to be able to do anything significant in the field. He’s had 2 mental breakdowns due to stress and can’t seem to dig himself out of the pit He’s in.

It’s been great conversation and easy being around him....except…I want him…I just want to touch him....let him know he’s doing okay, that he’s worth more than he believes he is. I know it’s not right, it’s ust not my place....I’m married blah blah blah....

Kinda hard to hear it over the sound of longing for affection and interaction. I can’t recall the last time Rocky and I had sex. The last time we even held hand that wasn’t in the car while he was driving. …

I’m just going to enjoy Jake’s attention while I have it. Encourage him where I can and hope I attempt to refrain from causing damage💔.

Jake and I had some real talk yesterday about feelings. We are basically dating for a few days. I can’t say what will happen but we are in an odd state. I don’t want him to leave at night and he doesn’t want to go. I run my fingers over his hair and he holds my hand....no one has pointed it out. When Rocky is here they will all get it.

It started with the Jim story..... in the end Jim and I can’t be friends....when the story was over I said “I don’t understand how Destiny does it, be friends with ex boyfriends. I just want touch you.” “Go ahead, we are both adults and I know there are limits, you are married.” “It’s not like I’m going to forget that, either” Then we just started making the most of it.....I would bet at some point between now and When Rocky gets here we will at least kiss 💋.

Jake bought lunch after we dropped his mom off. We worked a bit more. Ended up driving through Dryden (the greydot in which I spent my childhood) on deliveries. Came home about 3:30.

We went out to the stream where she will be getting married to show the photographer the area and talk about pictures. I was a bit off balance from the riding around all day and Jake kept offering me a steady arm. He’s such a sweetheart. I would break him. As much as I want to offer more of myself it would kill him. sigh

Went to Alyssas band concert. A quick 4 songs, sounded like a decent 8th grade band concert.

They decided to go out for dinner. I got some chicken stir fry, soup and side salad. Jake got a side salad and pita bread. He gave half the bread away because of “that looks good” comments. I ate a couple bites of soup (chicken lemon rice soup, it was so good) and gave the rest to Jake. I would have more than enough with the stir fry and salad.

In other news, I’ve been talking to the girls a lot too. Gabby had an oh so important question to ask me in private that turned out to be silly. She just had to know my opinion on if she should shave her pubes or not LMAO.....then she wanted to talk about boy issues.....she’s been dating a girl for 7 months. She’s Trans (transitioning to male, I don’t know how this works) and Gabby refers to her as her boyfriend. Gabby is bi. I respect all of it, none of it matters to me....the dating for 7 months and not having kissed is the issue. We talked, I told her about Jake and all that…lol it confused her so much because Jake’s just like ewww lol....I mean it’s like her uncle who’s over all the time so.....

Gabby wanted to continue conversation this morning and I continued to call her boyfriend her boyfriend…Dest got upset…we had a spat…we talked it out and we have understanding. Gabby and Alyssa deserve respect too ya know. How are they to learn how to respect others of you can’t respect them....there are silly things like....Alyssa has changed her boy name 3 times....Gabby says she’s non binary and there is no way, she loves makeup and girly thing....Alyssa says “she’s a demigirl” looked that up this morning g and that wasn’t even a defined term till 2010. As it stood before she would have been “tomboyish” ....it’s like a new language. Easy to learn when you are young, not so much in your 40s....even harder if you don’t have an open mind.

So tiffed one with the beastie is under our belt I think. Destiny wants to respect the wishes of Gabbys SOs mom and I don’t have to care....I care more about Gabby and her wishes than to argue about it. Let Gabby gab about her amazing boyfriend. I’ll try to explain to Gabby why she can’t stay the night at her boyfriends house even though “they aren’t sexual or anything” and “how would we even do that, we both have lady parts” lol girl your 16! You’ll figure it out lol which is entirely the point!

Today, I’m riding around with Jake again. Till about 3 then taking Alyssa to her friend Jackson’s for a sleep over.

No I have no idea why that’s okay lol. Alyssa spending the night at a boys house....but she’s a boy…but she’s not a boy....ya know… Glad I’m not Destiny…having to make those calls. I’m just here trying to get first hand info they won’t tell her directly in order to talk to her about the current state of her children lol

I hope to be just as messed up after “work” today as I was yesterday. After taking Alyssa it’s Gummie time. Going to see if a pot Gummie will do anything. Should be an interesting evening. Jake will stay till he’s tired or Destiny kicks him out and I’ll hang with him as long as they let me.

Cards and chilling is the plan for the evening.