Ramblings in Current Events

I suspect that I will be in my feels today. My anxiety was high when I woke up yesterday. Depression usually follows. I’ll be okay.

My team doesn’t work today. I picked up a shift yesterday because it is our busiest weekend of the year and they offer us time and a half to support the store by keeping the shelves stocked. It didn’t look ransacked at all when I got in. I was the only person from my team to pick up a shift, it was lonely but I liked it. I know I did a good job. I targetted the areas that are impossible to do and got it done.

After my shift, I did some running around to look for nice planters. I didn’t see any that I liked. I like a tribal aesthetic. Boho is alright also. I don’t like the planter to be a weird shape. Nothing really spoke to me. I will try running around in my area for some. I bought a few plants the other day that I will try to keep alive indoors. Nothing will get full sun in my apartment so there’s that. I almost impulsively bought a mattress. I feel regret that I didn’t jump on it. They said they would offer me a deal but I didn’t give them a chance to do so. The mattress I have is damaged. So is the boxspring. They got damaged in the move. I can make it work but there was one there that has a pillowtop and it was just the perfect level of firmness.

I am also looking for a coffee table set. Something cheap. Who needs a $300 coffee table? A small patio set for my balcony would be nice also. New couches would be cool too. I will keep an eye out for some new couches at surplus stores. It’s more cost-effective and I will just do a layaway plan.

I won’t commit to any of that because I don’t have shift security. I am only part-time. I have been getting full-time hours, however. It won’t last, my boss is building her perfect schedule. There is a full-time position available. I am going to apply. I am very confident that I will get it. I am the obvious choice if she is to fill that position from within the team. Linda, however, was told about it before it was announced because my boss is rooting for her to get it. I feel some type of way about that but Linda does have seniority over me. She would be first in line and my boss is great for looking out for us. She has already expressed to Linda that she needs Linda to get her license because there are changes coming up. Linda also asked me not to apply but I told her that I am allowed to look after my best interest. I drive her to work every day for free. It’s a big ask.

If I get that position I will signup for a gym. Then I will commit myself to go to that gym. It will probably be hella early, or hella late. Like, three in the morning.

I feel like I cheated myself by drinking the last two evenings. It was just two glasses. I think it is because I am jaded about not having an opportunity to do a coffee enema this weekend. Toni is home also. I had friends over on Saturday, Angelina bought a box of wine and left it for me. I had some wine while Toni and I watched Senior Year on Netflix. It’s not a big deal.

I am tired of being tired. I keep ruining my days with naps. After my shifts anyway. I haven’t been exercising and it is eating me alive. I have all the ambition of a Capricorn but all the willpower of my Taurus rising. I need more discipline.

I also need mindfulness. My mind is restless and I cannot focus on anything. I want to read but I am overthinking the state of the world. On a good day, I am overthinking the word of God. Astrotheology. Overthinking used to be a curse. I just need the right content to think about. What I do need to do is get out more. Be with nature. What I also feel compelled to do is start podcasting. I am a product of the times. I want to talk about what I am witnessing in the world and try to make sense of it all. Things like that. I want to talk about the rabbit hole stuff. I want to talk about the toxic truthers. Just stuff and things. Whatever. If I do get that full-time position, I will get a new phone. I will get the things I need to get this podcast situation started.

Okay, on with my day.