Thoughts. in Since OD is shutting down....

Yeah so my brother talked to him again last night and he agreed to my brother picking him up and taking him to get his birth certificate and filling out the forms. I of course had to run around and print out the forms AGAIN and pay for his BC. It ended up not happening as he never got ahold of my brother and I have some insight on this.

First off, he’d mentioned something to my brother about how once he gets enrolled, I’ll basically never have a reason to reach out to him which tells me that’s why he’s drug this out for over a fucking year. He’s still trying to create this situation where I’m going to have to be reliant on him for SOMETHING! I think that’s the main issue. He doesn’t want to help because he’s enjoyed being asked a million times to do this one thing for his child oh and HIMSELF!

He’s also said how everything is my way. I have to disagree because I’ve always bent over backwards for him to see her and even when he stopped paying child support before because all he did was go on and on and on about how he can’t see her unless he’s paying so multiple times I was agreeable to him seeing her just to prove the fucking point that I’m reasonable with or without money so I think he got used to have special rights with zero responsibilities.

I also believe that the only reason he was agreeable to filing out those forms is to try and prove to my brother that he’s reasonable when he’s gone above and beyond to do nothing to help with his child in any way. He also wants to keep my brother in contact with him so that he’s able to have some connection to my life because he’s always asked my brother what I’m doing and who I’m dating.

I honestly wish I could just be okay with him having no accountability and just quit getting myself worked up. Just be able to seriously put him and all these games behind me and block it out but I can’t because it’s my daughter being affected by every decision he makes. It’s unfair to her and to myself that he doesn’t see her, doesn’t pay child support, is to carry health insurance for her which he’s never done and won’t even fill out some forms so she’d be able to go to college for free.

It’s also crazy to me that any of us should have had to have so many conversations with him to get enrolled when he lied about it to begin with. I think it’s absolutely absurd that he should have to be talked into helping support his child. My brother told him if he does this that he’ll make sure he sees her and I have a serious problem with this because to me that’s manipulation, that’s weaponizing his child and I worry about this looking bad on me should we ever go to court because they could view it as I put my brother up to using whatever tools I have to make him do this one thing for his child.

My day for just not caring is coming, I hope. I just can’t keep getting upset over this one issue anymore. I need to just accept that it is what it is and just pray that someday he gets picked up for his warrant and he hopefully goes to work release and starts paying child support. I don’t think that will ever happen either because he doesn’t have a car and no one around him does so I doubt he’s ever going to get picked up.

The lawyer I talked to yesterday definitely gave me the insight I needed on my situation and I’ve never felt more hopeless. I can’t have his rights terminated as I’m not married. I don’t ever intend to be. There’s nothing I can do to force him to pay child support. I can’t force him to be an active role in her life. I can’t even get sole legal custody as of right now for different reasons. I’m just concerned that he’d get her if I ever passed away and I don’t want that because he can’t even take care of himself. The couple times he took her a year ago I had to send her with food because he couldn’t afford to feed her.

I’m going to get my kid to bed and think about something else for awhile.