Changes. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since the weekend after finding out my Mom’s boyfriend has pancreatic cancer. The #1 cause is smoking. I plan to call and get the patches and finally quit. I’ve been wanting to for quite some time and I just can’t keep buying them. I know that if I were to stop, my health would change quite a bit. My diabetes is completely out of control and has been for a couple of years now. I know that it’s because of stress too but smoking is a big factor as it restricts blood flow and is crippling on blood vessels.

I’m an avid iced coffee drinker as I can’t do one without the other. If I smoke, I need coffee and visa versa so I’m probably going to have to cut back on my iced coffee or just stop drinking it all together. I just checked my blood sugar about 20 minutes ago and it’s 396. It’s really high, like it always is and it’s seriously time to start doing something about it. I’ve been so caught up in this awful habits that are going to end up killing me and I have to start making healthier choices.

It’s really hard because I’ve made really poor choices health wise for so long that the thought of not smoking is really scary. I know that I’ve been successful in the past with the patches because then I don’t go through the withdrawl and it’s just time to stop. I smoke to deal with anger, stress, anxiety and honestly, out of boredom. I’m alone a lot when my kid is gone and it’s like I just have to so I can keep going.

I also know that I don’t have a lot of money and I’m going broke buying these fucking things. I just don’t want to be hooked into this crutch anymore and I know once I stop smoking, I’ll probably be more active as smoking reduces your energy levels so I am positive it’s going to be a really good start to getting healthy.

My daughter took a nap when she got home and I even slept for a little bit. I got her up a little bit ago and got her a bath, pb & j, and some popcorn. She’s happily sitting down watching a movie and then I’ll be getting her to bed soon. I’m so proud at how great she’s doing and is just so independent. Truly the greatest kid ever.