What a weekend! in Since OD is shutting down....

Anyways, my daughter and I were super tired yesterday when she got home from school and both of us were falling asleep when my brother called saying my Mom was going to babysit so we could go out. I finally got to go to the bar for the first time since November. It was actually pretty fun and I enjoyed myself. I would have preferred we went out tonight because it helps break up the the weekend and I’m going to mention it for next time.

While we were at the bar, my brother said that I see myself as a victim and how I’m rockin it being a single Mom and how I need to go on with my life. I completely agree with this all the way. I know that I do view myself as the victim in this and what I need to do is stop looking at his social media, stop asking for anyone to reach out to him for any reason and be in a good spot to be moving on with my own life.

I know that I’ve made a lot of progress over the years but I’m still not where I’d like to be. I know that I’m not as angry anymore and I get over shit a lot quicker now and I’m not losing sleep over his actions but I’m still bothered that he doesn’t prioritize his child and has complete freedom. I’m angry that I’m left to support her financially by myself. I’m angry that he never got enrolled. I’m angry that he’s painted a very ugly picture of me to everyone around him and doesn’t take any accountability for the role he’s played.

The thing is, whatever their opinions of me are is none of my business. If people choose to believe whatever fairy tale bullshit he feeds them, it’s their problem. At the end of the day, there’s plenty of us that know the truth. I was annoyed when we were driving home and my brother said something about how I wanted him to be at her birthday party when he was the one trying to convince me to invite him over the phone one night. I straight told him that he’s not invited and isn’t welcome to be there.

Another thing I’d like to talk about is the guy my Mom was seeing has pancreatic cancer and he’s to find out how bad it is on Thursday. I spent about an hour last night reading about it online and apparently you don’t have symptoms until it’s too advanced to get treatment and it’s terminal. My Mom went and saw him today but I didn’t get to know how her visit went because she didn’t call until she got home and she can’t talk about it because my Dad is ALWAYS listening to her phone calls.

I have been very sad since I heard about this last night because I never wanted this for him and he’s already had so many health problems. I feel bad that he lives alone with his dog and is probably really lonely. I guess his wish is for my Mom to come stay with him until he passes but she can’t. Ugh, my heart hurts. I gotta switch topics now.

I have a lot of things in my head that I really need to figure out how to be okay with so I can move on with my life. Not all of my problems are just because of my kid’s Dad. There’s a lot of shit that I should have dealt with years ago that I put on the back burner for a job that sucked the life out of me for 7 years.

Anyways, I’m going to lay down with my kid and get her to bed.