Another day in my life. in Since OD is shutting down....

My daughter is home again until Monday and then we have about 2 and a half weeks until school is out for the Summer. I’m thinking about what kind of stuff we can do to keep busy and who I will be able to rely on so I can get a break and be able to make some money. I will probably message her daycare lady and see what her schedule is looking like.

My brother called last night to see what was going on because my little brother called him. I let him know this was just a precautionary measure I’m taking before the shit storm were to actually happen. He understood because he even said that even when the abuser is maybe completely innocent you have to wonder since he’s been creepy more than anything else.

I don’t feel good about lying because I’m not a big liar and never have been but I’d rather act like this is really happening before it actually does and then I have a fuck ton of new problems to worry about all because of someone else. The telling of secrets and wanting to brush her hair away from everyone has been a huge concern for a long ass time and I’d like to make him believe that whatever he does to her, she is able to tell on him and maybe he’ll think about that and become more aware of himself.

What I like about all of this is that my Mom isn’t completely blind to his bullshit anymore and isn’t defending him. I have dealt with her always being biased and her first reaction has always been to defend him and she isn’t doing that anymore. He’s always banked on that and it’s gotten him out of a lot of trouble in the past. I’m sure this is super scary because she’s not on his side anymore.

It’s sad that shit has to be this way and he has to be a fucking weirdo. I didn’t get a choice as a child and had to endure his abuse but I’ll be damned if my daughter has to. I remember being a child and how I was treated, I refuse to have that for my kid.

Anyways, I have cleaned out the pantry and took out the trash. We are probably going to run to the store and then probably just hang out at home. I really wish I had friends sometimes.

My best friend is having a lot of health problems and so are her children. One had to get an ingrown toenail removed and the other is super sick with the flu. I feel bad that I rely on her a lot as I don’t have anyone else to really be real with. I’m a very passionate, raw person and it’s hard to find people that really understand me or my problems. It’s not easy to open up about my personal life and that’s why I only have a couple people I really talk to about things. The rest of the time, I just have to deal with what’s in my head. It’s hard.