Blocked! in Since OD is shutting down....

Yeah so he messaged me saying he was there filling out the ‘fucking’ paperwork and I asked for him to show me and then just said listen if you aren’t going to do it just say that. If you don’t mind cheating your kid than just let me know. Needless to say, he just isn’t going to do it and I had the thought to offer to pay for his birth certificate but since he was already lying then there would have been no point.

It’s the same game and ringer it’s always been. I think he’s pissed because once again, things were not going the way he wanted them to. He was pissed because I wasn’t into seeing him, I wasn’t going to let him take her today and because I didn’t say much when he mentioned trying to hang out this weekend. He has this deal where it’s going to be his way or no way and even though that never works on me, he keeps trying.

I noticed a lot of growth with this where I was pissed for about 10 minutes but then still laid down and rested for awhile. Back in the day, I would cry my eyes out and then chain smoke for at least an hour. I think I’ve just put up with this for so long that I’m now just desensitized to it. It just doesn’t ruffle my feathers like it did and for that I am truly grateful. I remember how much this shit used to just fucking wreck me and now, I just feel my feelings and go about my day. Growth is a beautiful thing.

My daughter and I got up about 4am, why I don’t know. I made breakfast and then we went back to bed for awhile. I made lunch and noticed she was face down at her table sleeping so I had to go nap. She’s still napping and that’s wonderful because I don’t really ever get a break and it usually comes from her naps but nowdays those are far and few between. I tried to nap but just couldn’t get comfortable and I was hot so now I’m just sitting here waiting for her to wake up so I have someone to hang out with.

I asked my Mom to stop by after her dr appointment and she said, “we’ll see” and then I get a text 2 hours later saying she’s home from the dr and is going to have supper. I’m sure if I ask her to babysit over the weekend there will be an excuse because of my Dad.

It’s just frustrating how I don’t have any support here and never will. Everything is always someone else’s way and it’s getting so fucking old. It’s like my daughter and I both have just gotten a raw deal and there’s not a chance in hell for it to get better.

My daughter has school the next 2 weeks and I really need to figure out a game plan for the Summer because it’s going to be just me and her at least 90* of the time. I just feel bad that she really doesn’t have anyone outside of me and it also scares me so much because what if something happened to me?! I have no one to help out with her.

Ugh, anyways I’m stressing myself out so I’m going to play on my phone for awhile.