Zero Gravity in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I’m trying to stay out of my head because I’ve been having panic attacks for days now. I’m stressing out so much about this trip to Thailand because I feel like I have no control over how it goes, when the truth is I’ve never had control.

I wish my vacation was over already. I still have another month of vacation and it’s just driving me nuts. I’ve been acting totally crazy… which is not true because I’ve been acting just like I was in California before I moved to Thailand. It did not help that last week was a holiday… like the whole fucking week… so I didn’t even have my part-time teaching classes to give me stability.

I sleep when I want, go drink when I want, there’s absolutely no gravity to my life. I can’t go back to that, it was a very bad place for me to live in. I need to have some kind of stability and routine, but it’s incredibly hard for me to start that process knowing that, if I successfully get back from Cambodia, I will have to create a whole new routine when I start my job.

I’m trying to keep my head up and be calm, but it’s not easy. It took me 3 weeks to do laundry because I was just so out of it mentally. I need the world to start spinning again.