Finality in meh...

(Side note- Since the start of 2022, this will be th 3rd time I’ve written him. The time before this was short and brief - and I ignore him mostly- but I had to be very clear. This was the response to 3 emails and the Valentine’s Day greeting from his Godmother.)

“Valentine’s Day 2021.
I had covid. Nearly dropped dead. In the hospital for 3 days. The only thing you cared about were the keys to my car and constantly hounding me for money. You got what you wanted and disappeared. I had to track you down in St. Charles to get my car back.

Yet you consistently question if I ever loved you, when the real question is how was this you loving me??

I didn’t have to stay and put up with your behavior to prove i was down for you. How about you should have stepped up to be a man I could be proud of? I never told anyone about you because I knew we weren’t going to make it. I been done with that street life. You too old to keep playing at that life and living in the past, but here you are. Knee deep in it. Our relationship was problematic from the start. And I dealt with it. The whole time I felt like I was being punished for something. I was isolated, couldn’t really talk to nobody. I was miserable.

You were not a provider and you brought nothing to the table, but I found a way to carve out some care for you and you abused it. Used it. I know in your situation, it’s not always as easy as a choice to just say no, but it kind of was. You made a lot of piss poor choices and decisions and that caused me to shut down. Now here we are. I don’t want to talk to you, write you, listen to you, nothing and you probably still can’t see why. You got mad, I don’t make you feel like a man. You didn’t do man things. You weren’t trying to be one. Took me through a day of BS to get you a job, then you flake and don’t go and did some other dumb stuff that didn’t pan out. All of that was for nothing.

I did not immediately turn my back on you after you were incarcerated. It was the evidence of you still pursuing others that was the straw among the million other things you did that broke the camel’s back, but you don’t see that. On top of all the other things I dealt with, the very thing you were always accusing me of, was the very thing you were doing. I told you that’s how it was. I am not blind and I know the game. You jeopardized what little stability I created, you jeopardized my job, you jeopardized my safety and my freedom. But, I was supposed to just take it like I’ve been in the trenches with you for years and I barely knew/know you. No, Sir. You so extra, you can’t even just be locked up without all the extraness you bring. I wanted to write, get to know you better after a year of foolishness to reset, but nope. You were just as overbearing and self centered as always. And again, now here we are.

I will always tell you what you need to hear as opposed to what you want to hear. That’s another reason we stay into it. We are not a good fit.

According to the Word, I don’t have to follow the man if he is being reckless and he HIMSELF is not following God. Chew on that a bit. We are all God’s children and chosen. You are special in your own way, but you are not more special than anyone else. You talk being humble, but you lack humility. You talk being a leader, but you are so lost. Until you really start walking what you talking, and living in God’s word like you claim, you will always be lost.

Now, you got what you wanted. You got my attention for a bit and I “talked” to you. You probably didn’t like what I had to say, but that’s nothing new. I’m sure you’re going to write again, but this really is the last time I will write you. Hope you are clearer on my perspective.

Even after all is said and done, I still wish no ill on you. I pray for your health, well being and clarity. I pray that you feel God’s love and it will enfold you. You don’t have to worry about your stuff. You don’t have to dictate nothing regarding it. Once again, I have nothing to gain by destroying your things. That’s not my way. There is no glory to be had in kicking anyone when their down no matter how they’ve done me and affected me.

With that, I say take care.
God be with you.
God Bless & Keep you.”