Switch to no-stim, dude. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

Slept 11 hours last night. Quality of sleep was good; still didn’t want to get out of bed. Sounds nice on paper, to just laze in bed with two cats.

Wasn’t too difficult to talk myself into going to the gym, as it’s a routine/habit by now. But my preworkout shifted my depressive inability to focus into a manic depressive inability to focus. (The difference between being blank and not being able to focus, and having something/everything on your mind and not being able to focus.)

Took a few hours to even get (out the door) to the gym. Intellect allowed me to gut my workout, just do the main lifts and skip the fluff. I feel fine physically, but it might be wise to take a mental day off tomorrow. You can do an upper day distracted. One does not simply squat distracted.

After years of self-medicating, this is partly why I don’t want to jump straight into an anti-depressant. At least caffeine leaves the system relatively quickly. I haven’t forgotten my paxil withdrawal. That shite will fuck you up. Nor am I interested in weed. People self-medicate one way or another. Seems to be life.

Oh, and as per the title, I do actually have preworkout with no caffeine. Pretty decent placebo effect. Typical scoop of “normal” preworkout is about 300 mg of caffeine. I try to have half a scoop.

I had way over a scoop today. Which, I’m sure is still nothing compared to the way some people are addicted to caffeine and won’t even acknowledge it’s a problem.

I know my vices. So glad I never took up smoking.

I digress. At least the apathy has broken and now I feel like actual shite. As they say, depression is anger without enthusiasm. (Not that I’m angry. It’s just the mania I’m feeling. Whatever mania is to me. It’s not like the movies.)