Smiles and tears flow from one source in Daydreaming on the Porch

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care…

Look up
Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all,—
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Ella Wheeler Cox
From “Solitude”


When I first read this 40 years ago (I know because I taught it in my English classes), I was a young newbie teacher and accepted the premise of the poem pretty much at face value.

Decades later, however, the many passing years since have produced a bit of curmudgeon, and slightly grouchy old man. But a much wiser man at 71 than I was at 31, even though I had already experienced devastatingly hard times. I have a somewhat different spin now, or rather, an additional way of looking at the poem, which I wish to share.

It’s true that a smile can melt your heart and produce intense feelings of well-being, even if fleetingly. “Laughter is the best medicine,” as the popular saying goes.

But sadness and melancholy are as much a part of the human condition as smiles and laughter. If someone turns away from me when I’m grieving, they weren’t the friend I imagined them to be. If I’m depressed and people run from me, I don’t want or need them in my life.

The truest test of friendship is when someone not only is there when you need them no matter what, but also is a loyal and long-lasting friend who knows you as well as you’ve allowed any other mortal to know you. I can count on two hands the number of these kinds of friends I have held onto over the decades.

I treasure the true friends I have. I’m glad they are still there for me even when I’ve gone through a prolonged period of depression or we have been out of touch for a tender period and then have re-connected.

So it’s not true that “alone you must drink life’s gall,” because in spirit with your real friends, you are never alone.