Another day. in Since OD is shutting down....

My daughter and i have been home since yesterday afternoon. We are both starting to get a little stir crazy. My Mom came for a minute earlier and brought us some stuff from the store but couldn’t stay because of course my Dad was in the car since he has this weird deal of driving her everywhere. My daughter just loves my Mom and never gets enough time with her. She asked if we’ll go see Grandma tomorrow at work and I told her we probably would.

I just wish there was more to do here and more people to hang around with. My brother was supposed to come yesterday and put up my mini blinds but I never did hear from him. I guess my Mom stopped to take back a tool they’d gotten from him yesterday but he didn’t even come outside. I think he’s enjoying his week just doing his own thing since his girlfriend and kid are out of town for spring break. Which I don’t blame him but I’ve been asking him to come put up my blinds for months now.

My brother had a kid with my best friend. They haven’t spoken in about 15 years now. Neither one of them say anything bad about the other one and I think they are both pretty mature about everything. I also like that they are both totally okay with the other one moving on and how they are both in relationships. They are really reasonable people and I wish that they would have figured out something with their kid. It’s sad to know that my kid’s Dad and I will never reach a decent place like that. I know I could stay away from him for the rest of my life and not get another dime in child support and he’d still be just as bitter and hateful as he is now.

It’s just crazy how my situation hasn’t gotten better. We will be celebrating my daughter’s 5th birthday this Summer and yet, this crap is still just so high conflict. Even now, I would give my right arm to get along with him for my child but every time I’ve tried, I’m just fucking tortured. There’s nothing I can say or do to change this. He just doesn’t care but does care enough to try and keep tabs on me. I don’t want to be with him and he doesn’t want to be with me but yet he’s always asking my brother who I’m dating. I think narcissim is a really complex things and there’s always going to be more questions than answers. Ever narc has their own kinks and mental issues that you just can’t get anywhere whether you try or not.

I’m angry at how many chances I gave him to be a consistent Dad and how many times I asked him just to come see her where I was met with cruelty and mental abuse. I understand my brother wanting to invite him to my kid’s birthday party but it’s just not going to happen. He’s just fucked up too many times that I don’t want him around. I’d be willing to give all of this one more try if he was working and had his own place but that’s never going to happen.

I was telling my friend this morning that the tax laws have changed and now if you receive $600 or more online, you will get a 1099 which means he will have to file taxes and if he don’t, it’s going to be unreported income where it will mean fees and penalties. I know that he gets money streaming online so he’s going to end up in deep shit. He’s not going to be able to live off his sister forever and just stay unemployed for the rest of his life. I’ve also read that if he doesn’t pay, they’ll draw it from his social security. I don’t think that he ever looks at the big picture and what’s going to happen to him down the road. If he was smart, responsible and had some maturity, he would just be paying but he’s too worried about controlling me and being spiteful that he’d rather screw himself.