Downpour in Current Events

My nerves are shot. It’s the same old toxic habit of procrastinating. I’ve created a positive feedback loop and now I am experiencing fear whenever I want to do something for myself. I will push through it today. It’s not a big deal. Nothing has gotten out of control, per se.

Something did get out of control, however. I am on my way to getting my roots touched up. Sterling silver. I was just in front of my mirror and ruffled my hair a little bit and it was just a downpour of hair that fell out. The last time this happened was in 2019 before I went to a friend’s wedding. I was having a little nervous breakdown on the way. I absolutely fucking hate weddings with every fibre of my being and my social anxiety could not cope. My hairline hasn’t been the same since then. I was going through a lot at that time, I didn’t want to attend my friend’s wedding but I did. I don’t like to let my anxiety make all of my decisions.

I have DMSO and a recipe on how to use it for hair growth. DMSO is transdermal so I need to use organic shampoo before applying it. Not a big deal, I will order that. I have to shampoo twice because I have colour-treated hair. I just haven’t gotten around to making the hair treatment. I have everything for it. I can’t bring myself to do it or to do anything. I tried reading one of my books today, but I couldn’t focus. I am too attached to social media again. Addicted. Not as bad as before but the old habits are still there.

We had that massive geo-engineered snowstorm yesterday. I left work early. I could barely see the hood of my car on my way home. It was very bad. This morning it was still going so I called in again. It has stopped now.

Fuck. My anxiety is just sky high right now. Dammit. I’ll push through it. Blah!