Body Talk in Current Events

I’m just waking up, I can sense that my depression is going to come out and play today. I will surrender to it. I have to let it run its course. Suppressing symptoms will make it worse. I am paying attention to my thoughts to see what is there. The first thing I found, so far, is that I am struggling with my body image. Am I twelve?

When I look at my body in the mirror, it’s never what I want to see. I know it is because I am not doing what I need to do, whatever that is. The dark side of fitness journeys is body dysmorphia. Those people will never be satisfied with what they see. I know that will become me if I commit to it. I don’t want my mind to be obsessing over calories and reps etc. Thus, I am not on a real fitness journey. I am just exercising for health & wellness at home. I’ve tried and failed a million times to put on weight. I could try harder.

I wanted to make my thirties everything that I wished my twenties was. Those goals got lost in the shuffle. I started an intense inward journey and purged a lot of limiting beliefs and so those goals were put on the back burner. Those goals are always on the back burner. They always feel so far out of reach but not so much anymore. Regarding my social anxiety. This vaccine inquisition is in my way at the moment. Also WWIII but that’s a different story. After I lost my job a few years ago I committed to cleaning up my mind because my fear was in control of everything. I’ve come a long way but I have a long way to go.

I feel like going to the gym would be a great way to just crush the last of my social anxiety. I have an opportunity to do that now so I might just do that. Seeing how I have some access to society again. My bestie just started kickboxing. Toni, my roommate, is suddenly obsessed with watching boxing on Youtube. I know that because that content pops up on my feeds. Coincidence? No such thing. Maybe I should join a boxing class instead.

I was thinking about my body image issues last week. I was thinking about how I am way too hard on myself. I’m ungrateful for what I have. People wish they could have my figure all of the time. Mostly women. I’m a thinspiration. I also need to be grateful for everything that my body does that I take for granted. That most people take for granted. There are people who would kill to have my body because it can perform things that theirs no longer can. My body is good to me, I am spoiled rotten so I try and be good to it. I can do better but I do more than most people. I’m 36, I want to have the sculpted body that I never had in my twenties. Lame.

I wanted photogenic abs just a few years ago. I have them now but I have zero presence on IG so why do I care? I finally have selfie control. I don’t want to be a social media whore again. It didn’t add health. I’ve always had a rocky relationship with social media. My body image issues have nothing to do with my endowments, that’s one of the few things that I don’t have insecurities about. Just throwing that out there. #Awkward

When I turned thirty I looked around at other people in their thirties. They were getting diagnosed with this and that. Most of them are overweight, can’t run, can’t shit, can’t breathe and so I promised myself that I will never do that to myself. I don’t agree to believe that those people are victims. We are where we are today because of what we put in the past. My future will be what I put in the present so I made the decision to clean my act up the moment my sister told me that she was pregnant. We will all be around the age of fifty when that baby graduates, I calculated. I committed myself to staying healthy so that I can have the energy to keep up with my niece. I quit smoking, I quit binging on junk food and then I went vegan so that I will never have to worry about heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. I then started running and taking care of myself altogether.

We are a society that calls eating correctly “healthy.” That calls moving correctly “exercise.” Now we are being coerced into making even worse medical decisions to protect people who don’t have the self-respect to maintain their health in the first place. I earned my health privileges. Disease does not work that way anyway, germ theory and contagion theory are a hoax. A trillion-dollar industry does not quit just because they’ve been debunked, however. The only victims are children. If we changed the conversation to the strength of the human body instead of the strength of a mythical virus we would never ever be afraid again. There is nothing to be afraid of. Our bodies know what to do but we are getting in our own way. Nobody is pharmaceutical deficient. Everybody is participating in a death cult and refuses to see it. Just let the dead tend to the dead. Let them all self-harm and believe they are possessed by viruses whenever their bodies express healing. Can’t save them, they have to save themselves.

On that note, going back to school is the big goal. However, institutions that teach terrain theory are participating in the vaccine inquisition right now so I have that on pause. The irony is painful, yes. I want to help the world heal, properly. It is even written in my birth chart. I don’t know what that journey looks like yet but I have to trust my inner guidance. Where do you see yourself in five years? I ask myself. Serving God and truth. I answer. What an annoying answer, I know. I hit the bottom of the rabbit hole, I haven’t been connecting to those esoteric studies and I know that I should be. To serve god I only need to serve others. Easy enough.

I stopped playing my damn video game. I drag around a book that I should be reading but I keep letting myself get radically distracted by my newsfeeds. Am I twelve? I am procrastinating on everything. That means my fear is in control again. Nobody is coming. Nobody is coming to make me put my phone down. I need to do a better job at parenting myself. I don’t want to be like my roommate. I harp on her a lot and I know that it is just me projecting my own bullshit. She reminds me of who I was just a few years ago. A lost, stubborn, lazy, miserable piece of shit. Committed to my victim mentality. That programming is not separate from me, it’s all still in there. It’s useful to have. I have a long way to go so I out picture it on her, I suppose.

Anyway, time to move on with my day.

http://wissenschafftplus.de/uploads/article/wissenschafftplus-the-virus-misconception-part-1.pdf
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Last updated March 13, 2022