Phantom Branch on the Family Tree in anticlimatic

Gosh almighty, what a beautiful bright white dream of a winter day. Frozen, but on the soft side, if you know what I mean. Honestly it doesn’t take much to be glad for life, but even the bare minimum there can get sparse on the dirty back half of winter.

Two of my siblings are having kids, and I’m up to 3 nieces/nephews, which I can only assume will be more after that. I hope I’m not too old for kids, and that my health holds out for that possibility. It causes me to reflect on my place in the family tree. I was born with collapsed lungs and spent my first few weeks in baby ICU circumventing what would have been certain death by way of the miracles of modern medicine. As long ago as possible, but it left a mark. And it’s strange to think of one’s life as existing just to spite nature- a creature that the natural order of things didn’t want to exist, and had to be forced by the machines of man into being.

I wonder if that means I shouldn’t have kids. Maybe I’m too divorced from this world, too damaged by survival to perpetuate it- to keep it up long enough to raise someone.

Eh, I’d be too good with kids not to give it a shot. It would be a waste not to try, I think. I wish I had more time.

Last updated February 28, 2022