The weekend. in Since OD is shutting down....

It was a pretty decent weekend. We hung out for my nieces birthday on Saturday and then hung out yesterday for awhile. Got groceries at Walmart and then the kids came home with me so I could put food away. It was so nice to see my niece and the kids play together. It really makes me question wanting to move away.

I checked that website and he had posted a video of us. I’m pretty upset about it as it has the caption, “fucking my woman” and it’s crazy that I haven’t even spoke to him in almost 4 months and still has this attitude that I’m owned by him. I guess that’s just how narcs are but wow is that maddening. I think I’m more pissed about the fact that I can’t react because that’s giving in. It’s giving him exactly what he wants.

Anyways, it’s super cold and snowy out so we’re staying in today. It’s not snowing a lot but because we have artic air blowing through, I’m concerned that school may be closed tomorrow. I probably won’t know until morning and then I’ll have to break it to my kid who’s going to be upset because we’ve been together non-stop for about 4 days. I’m hoping she’s going to get to go to school tomorrow because she’s already tired of being with me and needs a break.

I’m on my second cup of iced coffee and just trying to stay warm. I’m cleaning the house part by part. Yesterday I mopped the floors in the bathroom and kitchen. I also cleaning the pantry and got rid of a bunch of stuff. We stocked up on food and I’m happy about that. We have everything we need for a few days.

I had a conversation with my brother about my parents. Their situation is just as fucked as always. I guess they had stopped by his house to borrow a tool because their toilet is clogged and they were trying to have him come fix it. My brother doesn’t like going to their house any more than I do and he never did go help them. I guess my Dad poured some anti freeze stop leak stuff into the oil in his truck so he’s not able to drive it until he drains the oil and changes it a couple of times. That is not a little mistake, that’s a huge thing. He’s always done really stupid things like that and his excuse is always that he’s in a hurry and we’ve never quite figured out why there’s a need for a hurry when he does nothing every single day.

I guess my Mom had borrowed a cigarette from my brother. I’m guessing their out and struggling. I don’t understand why they don’t all quit since they can’t afford it. My mom chooses to not have boundaries and spends all of her money on my Dad and little brother so then she has nothing for herself. I’m out of sympathy at this point. My brother said she’s looking to get a job but my Dad and little brother will have her paychecks spent just like they’ve always done. They won’t have any more money then they already do so getting a job is completely fruitless.

It’s just crazy how people tolerate the most insane shit. I know that I don’t have the patience or tolerance level for people mooching off me, especially every single day. I’ve done everything I can to help her climb out of it and explain the importance of saying no and setting boundaries but as soon as she goes home, none of it matters.

All I know is I refuse to let them suck out my soul through my bank account so I have no choice but to get a job and stick my child back in another fucking daycare. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve gone broke helping them and then they act like they have nothing to do with why I’m broke. I’m sorry but I like being able to afford to live decent without a job and be able to just work when I want because I don’t have daycare outside of school. They truly don’t have any more regard for my daughter then they’ve EVER had for me and I refuse to sit around broke and hungry because of them. My daughter and I still have expenses and I plan to do what I need to do just for us and not other people.

It’s just crazy how my Mom has left my Dad multiple times in the past 2 years and she’s always so sick of his shit but then goes right back. She’s in her 60’s, has health issues and now plans to get a job where it’s not going to help at all but because my Dad makes damn sure there’s never any money. My Mom has worked her whole life and all she has to show for it is the house that’s paid off and her car. I couldn’t imagine being that age and not having a fat bank account because I’ve let my husband spend all my money!!!

They act like I don’t have any bills just because I don’t work a regular job but it’s like did her bills ever just stop because she wasn’t working?! Fuck no! They act like all I should ever do is worry about giving them money. I’m sorry but that’s just not happening! I have a child that’s completely dependent on me because she doesn’t have a Dad and he doesn’t help at all so I’m where I have to put my child and myself first.

There was times where I sat here in this place by myself starving and didn’t even have gas in my car because I had helped them to the point where I couldn’t even help myself and they didn’t care! There was times where I had serious dental problems and my back went out where I couldn’t walk and they weren’t around to help!

I honestly think that my parents shouldn’t have ever had children. They are too self-involved and the only reason they give any kind of a shit about their kids is to benefit. They keep my little brother around because he pays bills but if he didn’t have a paycheck, I just know they would have gotten him out of their house.