Sun Day in Current Events

I found this week a little draining. My thoughts have been a little menacing and it is because I am tuning into politics and polarizing with the narratives again. I do this to help develop my opinions. How strong are my opinions? Nobody thinks to ask themselves. We need to debate, we need to rumble with ideas again the way we used to. I just do this in the political wasteland of comment sections, for now. I eventually want to start vlogging. Well, I don’t want to start vlogging but my inner guidance is telling me to.

I only want to serve God and the truth. I sound like a bible thumper but I’m not. I found what was hiding at the bottom of the rabbit hole and it is the real word of God. To serve God I need only serve others. The world is going to need real healing soon and I am going to try and add to that, in my own way. I’ll do the shadow work, so to speak. I’ll be a destructive force, in a way. The old belief systems have to be torn down. Big and small, inward and outward. I can’t do the journey and healing for anybody I can only try to inspire others to do it. I’ll need a lot of nerve to put up with the egos of the demon worshippers. I’ll have to use my own ego also, which is just a tool. Demon worship is just self-service. Those committed to their egos and who is a slave to their impulses and desires. It’s the smaller mind, the lower consciousness. No judgement! We are all on our own journey and the esoteric work is not meant for everybody in this lifetime.

My content would just be philosophy. I am a product of the times and I am witnessing the world around me. Everything is in alignment with my birth chart. Go figure. I have so many great tools in my birth chart. I don’t pray, I don’t place power outside of myself but I do channel Saturn. He is my ruling planet, Capricorns are unique because they are the most ruled by their ruling planet. Saturn is who everybody is worshipping unbeknownst to them. They do not have the eyes to see that. They are helping the occult that rules the world use Saturn to spiritualize their own prison. I’ll fight fire with fire, essentially. Saturn is my favourite planet. I have a bias of course. Those ruled by Saturn go through actual hell so that we can grow to become the strongest and most resourceful. It’s like having an overbearing father or mother. He is law, he is boundaries, he creates balance by restricting others. He rules this underworld. The material etc. It’s tough love.

My hair is getting a little brass. I chopped it all off and I dyed it grey. I wasn’t prepared for the upkeep. I have purple shampoo but it is not working. I take cold showers, I am buying satin sheets and I don’t wash my hair more than twice a week. Well, I do wet it. I will eventually go to the salon and talk about this. Maybe I just need to try a different shampoo. Maybe the oils I put in my hair are the problem. Either way, I am still in love with it. I took some selfies but they cannot capture the hair properly. Also, my selfie game is not as strong as it used to be. Back when I had no selfie control lol. I have nowhere to post them yet, I don’t have a presence on any socials right now.

New year old me I say. At the end of December, my body went into a detox crisis and expressed illness for a couple of weeks. Since then I have been feeling like I have come back down to earth, so to speak. It feels like my journey went full circle and I am back to the man I was before my inward journey started a few years ago. I am also here to claim the material and I care about how I present myself again. I always wanted to dye my hair grey so I went ahead and did that. I spent a lot of money on myself in January, it was my birthday month so I spoiled myself crazy. I earned it. I feel like the man I was but with a lot more wisdom and with the tools I need to cope with life better.

TMI Warning
The one connection I haven’t been able to establish is the one to my neverending orgasm. Just a proper orgasm in general. I experienced it once since then but it is as though I have to recalibrate my body again. It used to be instant and would happen without fail. However, I can tell that what I am building up to is going to be even bigger and better.

My birth chart is half Capricorn and half Scorpio. I am a Capricorn, my rising is Taurus and my benefactor (Jupiter) is in Aquarius and my maleficent (Saturn) is in Sagittarius. My Scorpio placements are very potent. My moon is in Scorpio, one of the most uncomfortable placements for the moon but I think it is a blessing. I like feeling things deeply under the surface. My Mars is in Scorpio which is another potent placement. Scorpio is about control. Scorpio rules the regenerative organs. My sexual energy is strong and I remain celibate because if I can control that then I can control anything. However, it’s been growing stronger and stronger.

Esoteric stuff aside, some of my old habits have returned with the old me. Procrastination is the big one. I am not in control if I am procrastinating. I am just committing to my fake sense of control which is procrastination. My impulse purchasing is another one. I’m only making purchases of things that I need but I feel a deep urgency to do it all immediately after I get paid. Then a deep need to get things that I don’t need but want, also urgently. I have not caved yet, I need to grow my patience. My laziness, it’s always there and it used to eat me alive. I have the ambition of a Capricorn but the drive of a Taurus that only does things when they feel like doing it. The catch being that I never feel like doing anything so I never do anything. I have to work through the negative aspects of my Taurus rising. Communication, I do not communicate how I feel and I let it disturb me. It turns into passive-aggressive mild tantrums which is a form of manipulation. I don’t like that shit about me. I need to communicate better. I keep creating enemy constructs in my mind also. I cast Toni, my roommate, as the villain. I need to stop that shit.

Anyway, today is my self-care day. I woke up at 4 am because that is my new normal. I’m sitting at my altar which faces the window and the moon is just shining down on me. Gorgeous. After my self-care routine, I am heading over to my mother’s. It is her birthday and I want to drop off some flowers and a card. I also want to apply to a few places in my area. I still want a second job. I don’t trust this lift of restrictions enough to aim for school just yet. I’ll just study terrain theory on my own in the meantime. Apparently, it’s just a passion that I can’t control. My Jupiter in Aquarius makes that make sense. Makes a lot about my passions make sense. I have a different twist on everything because I don’t quite think that Capricorns mix well with mysticism. I am very fixed and very earth and very material. However, I can see what my gifts are now and I can refine them and use them to grow this renaissance that is coming in this turning of the age. I know I am not the only one, there are others waking up and wising up just in time to help with the great healing that will be needed. The other cardinal signs will help baptize the world in earth, air, fire and water. I’ll be a black sheep, I’m too ruled by Saturn to be pleasant and palatable.

Speaking of unpleasant, I wiped out on some stairs on Friday. I spent the night at Bev’s, it was game night with her boys. I was chasing them up their stairs with a lightsaber and I lost my footing and didn’t even know I fell until I landed. I have a massive bruise on my hip… which feels so good lol. I don’t know why pain is often a pleasure for me. Anyway, I’ve been up for a few hours now. Time to move on with my day.