I hate my Mother. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so....yesterday I showered and went to use my frizz spray and discovered whatever was in the bottle was water. So I check the other bottled stuff that was up in my medicine chest in my bathroom and everything had been poured out and replaced with water. I have no doubt in my mind this happened while my Mother had been babysitting. I thought about all the stuff that’s ruined, broken, and wasted while she’s been left in charge and I realize that I can’t put up with this shit anymore.

I call her and inform her of my discoveries and she said she will not be taking any of the blame and hung up on me. This made me furious. I also recall over the Summer while she had babysat my TV in my room had also been broken. I don’t doubt that she heard something hit the TV or the kids came and told her something was wrong with it. You could tell in the screen something hit it. I was very upset that no one told me it was broken so I turn it on and discover this and get to drop $300 to buy another one. I was very attached to that TV as it was the first one I had ever bought brand new and my very first flat screen. I remember working my ass off that year to buy it and was so very proud of myself.

I just can’t watch everything I’ve worked my ass off for just be destroyed all because I need a babysitter. I am very angry that I’ve let this shit go on for so long and that I’ve had to all because I don’t have anyone else to help with my kid while her ‘Dad’ lives 3 blocks away and refuses to EVER fucking help. I can’t even describe to anger and rage I have inside.

Both of my parents have always been really good at coming around to ‘help’ when I’ve been in a really bad place and I’m very angry at how much they’ve just taken advantage of my misfortune. I literally can’t trust anyone as everyone has always done what they could to hurt, use, betray, lie and manipulate me. I feel like I’m just in survival mode and constantly hiding stuff, put stuff in my safe, putting shit way up high and literally hoarding things in places hopefully no one will find.

I also don’t think my Mom is very jealous of me and hates me. She’s always saying very negative things, very resistant with watching/seeing my kid and makes a lot of really ‘non-challant’ insults. I really don’t think she respects me whatsoever and has done plenty to take advantage of me.

I am very angry at the situation I’m in and feel very guilty for giving my child the shittiest people possible. No one gives a flying fuck about either one of us and it’s very humbling to know that we aren’t welcome anywhere so we spend a lot of time just hanging out at home. I wish I could give her better people that truly love her and have her best interest at heart. Even my Mom has done a lot to prove how little she cares and how vindictive she is.

All of this has made me very angry and tired since yesterday. I just gotta get me a job and find really good childcare. My kid goes back to school tomorrow and then I’ll just sit here by myself all day. I’m tired of being in my head so much. I wish there was someone I could talk to that would be able to help me figure things out. I’m going to try and find something that’s only a couple of days a week because then childcare wouldn’t be as hard to find and pay for.