The Last Few Days Have Been Hell... in Hello

Friday she and I talked...I get where she's coming from, emotionally involved too quick while I was maintaining a bit of a slow pace into things. Just hurts really bad.

Saturday I spent the majority of my day behind the wheel. Grabbed a small collection of old compact discs at around eleven AM and hit thie road...lost in the music...lost in my thoughts...reflecting. Saw X-Men DofP that evening with Mike. Decent. Very convoluted. I hung out at the Deep during the day some and went back that night after the film. Even bought a comics anthology called Haunted Horrors. Some of it took my mind off things.

Sunday...Ii really did not feel up to going to my brothers house in Harvest. Went on my mom's behalf. My aunt came with us. Ate a lot of food. He and I talked some. Brought out his wife's .22 and we popped off a few clips of rounds into an ant hill on the side of his house. Took my mind of things.

Today. Eric came by and we ended up going to the Bridge Street shopping center to go to Barnes and Noble...which I really didn't want to do seeing how her and I made weekly trips to discuss literature. Ended up in Madison at a used game store...my mind has been in the dumps all day.

Not too sure now if it was the overwhelming feeling of loneliness after he left or what...but the majority of the day I had been romanticizing alcohol. About all the good times and how it was there. Reality kicked in on why I know I can't drink...I fell apart. Ended up at IHOP to see mom and was just lost. Cried the whole time.

I hate being an addict.

I hate that a craving can still reduce me to tears.

Granted it has been a very difficult weekend.

Her and I are still talking, still being friendly. I can't lose my friendship...

Came home...did the dishes...swept and mopped the kitchen...made a fresh pitcher of tea...finished drying one load of clothes and washed/currently drying a new load...it's all about the distraction.

I've come too far to fall back into old habits now. Seven months, ten days in. Half a year under my belt. Even debated on an AA meeting tonight but...not too comfortable there.

I'll make it.

I'm glad to go back to work tomorrow.

Last updated May 27, 2014