Almost Drowned in Phoenix Rises Again

I’m sitting in the calm before the storm,
Wondering if it’ll be worth it this time.
Or if maybe this time,
The storm I conjured with raw honesty
Will finally drown me for good.

I asked for what I needed.
Nobody heard me.
Nobody listened.
They heard what they wanted to,
As always.

But maybe I’ve gotten better at asking.
I asked.
To be safe.

Safe.
It’s almost a foreign word to me.
I’ve seen safe,
And the products it produces.
But have I ever truly felt it myself?

Forever my jealousy and desire.
Family.
Safety.
Home.
Everything I want.
It seems so little to ask.
But it isn’t.
Its alot.
Its everything.
It’s the whole world.

So I’m asking for the world.
To anyone who will listen.
I’m asking for ‘safe’.

And I’m watching the wolves and vultures circle,
Fighting over who gets to take advantage next.
They see vulnerable,
And they swarm.

Where is safe?
Who?
What does it even look like.

There.
And there.
I see it.
I see everyone else’s ‘safe’.
But where is mine?

All the things I’ve asked for in my life.
They were all just this.
Safe.
It’s all I need from the world.

I can get everything else myself.

Please God just give me the one thing.
I want to feel safe,
At last.