Weak Ago in Thirty-Seven

Hey friends, how are we all doing this Friday afternoon? I wrote a week ago. My dad was supposed to go to Las Cruces on Monday for an appointment with his Kidney Dr, but he felt horrendous this weekend, so we didn’t end up going. He was basically having an anxiety attack about his oxygen and not being able to breathe, so he canceled his appointment and rescheduled it for February 21st.

He also cancelled the appointment with his primary dr because of that, and I just took him to his appointment with his stomach dr, because that is where the main problem is. So apparently his stomach isn’t emptying properly and they need to get him a certain med to get that process going. It was supposed to be ready yesterday, but they were like no it’ll be here tomorrow, so we’ll see if it’s there today.

UGH.

Also, Randy has a dr appointment today too. I gotta wake him up here in a couple minutes so he can shower. I showered earlier. We usually shower together, but our shower is currently broken, so we need to buy parts to replace it, but we’ll do that when we go to town later. It just constantly runs, like a very light shower. And when you turn it on, it stays the same pressure, just a little bit more water flow. It’s really fucking annoying. But that’s how most of the stuff in this house is. Broken.

Including myself. I’m so tired, I’m in a TON of pain, but until my dad gets better, I don’t want to start making any appointments for myself, because I don’t know what my dad is going to need.

And nobody seems to understand that I’m putting my health on the back burner for all of this.

My brother messaged me yesterday and I told him that I wasn’t feeling great because I haven’t had a chance to see the dr because of dad and I won’t until he’s on the mend.

All I got from him was “well I hope you get some rest soon too.” Yeah that’s not going to happen.

Though, my dad is going to look into getting me paid to be his caregiver, since I’m doing basically everything in this house.

A lot of that is my fault, but I shouldn’t have to ask my husband for help with everyday tasks like dishes and filling up the dogs food and water. And then when he does help, he does one thing like move a pan off the table and then it’s cause for celebration. Like he will pat himself on the back for hours after that. I’m just usually like thanks.......

It’s frustrating coming back here, when everyone told me “IT’LL SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS AND WE WON’T HAVE TO HEAR YOU BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT EVERYTHING ANYMORE!” when in all reality, it caused SO MANY MORE PROBLEMS.

We have had a $0 balance in our bank account for two weeks now. And I know if I say anything people will be like “WHERE’S THE MONEY PEOPLE GAVE YOU WHEN YOU WENT TO LAS CRUCES WITH YOUR DAD?!”

Well, I bought food for the 4 days I was there, coffee lunch and dinner. Then I also bought a space heater for my house. I also bough groceries twice with the rest of that money. This is what I’ve never understood about when people give/gift me money. It’s like they don’t actually expect me to use it for things that I need.

Or they throw the fact that they gave me anything in my face. My brother also did that. Back in August he asked if we were going to participate in his Fantasy (Football) League this year and I said no, we don’t have the money. So he said he would cover us. That’s $50.

Fast forward to January 3rd, Randy is in the Superbowl, against said brother, and I’m playing for 3rd place. My brother messaged me that day when my game was still on the line (Randy obliterated him by like 50 points to win the SB) and he says “Wow! It’s crazy how you guys did so well playing with MY money! You should go to the casino when they offer FREE PLAY!”.

I kindly reminded him that I have, IN FUCKING FACT, won the Superbowl, TWICE. With my own money. He was immediately like OH yeah I know I’m just kidding, etc.

Don’t offer me charity and then throw it in my face when I have some success. Fuck you if you do that, to me, to anyone. Just don’t bother if you’re going to need validation that YOU were the reason something happened. If credit is due, fuck yeah I’m gonna blow your ass up. But don’t slink around thinking I’m going to praise you for doing something minimal that YOU chose to do on your own. Blargh.

We are hopefully looking at finally getting the house money sometime between Valentines Day and Cinco De Mayo lol. Like seriously, we are keeping our fingers crossed that the judge that gets our case will be like Yeah sure have your money and not “No, someone else might be entitled to this money so we’ll set a hearing 180 days from now”. So also, yeah fingers crossed if you can, it might help, I don’t know.

We upgraded our internet, which we have to restart our modem and stuff later on when we get back. Lowered the bill too. We had to get the account situation sorted out though because the account that I was trying to log into isn’t the right one for some reason and yeah it was all discombobulated so I sorted it out and took about $50 off the bill.

But ah yeah, I suppose that’s all for now, hope you all have a decent weekend. Pray that I get a break soon so that I don’t actually break. I don’t want to do that.

Last updated August 18, 2022