Wary - 27.05.14 in Your Face

Dad politely texted me tonight and asked if he could call me. I texted back that it was fine.

I mean, sure, Dad. You were meant to call me over two weeks ago to discuss your wife sending me crazy, abusive emails and accusing me of plotting against her.

So he called, and we talked. I kept waiting for him to bring it up, offer an explanation, an apology, or even just acknowledge that it happened. He didn't. And I didn't either, mostly because I am stubborn and have hurt feelings, and partly because I am stupidly non-confrontational.

I had sort of put the whole thing to bed about a week ago, deciding that it didn't really matter, and that if he didn't have the guts to call me to talk about it, then it was his problem and I didn't need that kind of bullshit in my life.

Then I got to feeling sad about how I have had such a shitty relationship with him, and how we finally got it back on the rails and then his wife had to go crazy. I felt envious of people with normal dads, and even more envious of people whose parents are still together and who have relatively normal family dynamics. Then I thought that it was a grass is greener situation and that there's probably very few families who have these relationships that I am envying. But how would I know?

I mean, shit. People out there have real asshole dads who beat them, molest them, abandon them, systematically ruin their lives. Mine didn't do any of that, he was just emotionally neglectful. Poor me, right? Wrong.

So, I don't know. We had a nice conversation, I do miss him. I am still very sad at the idea of seeing him even less once I move away, but perhaps the distance doesn't matter anyway if Shirley doesn't get some help. I'll never want to visit their house ever again, even if she does get well again, and she never makes the trip down here, so I have no idea when I'll ever see her. It may be the case that we just have this phone relationship, and if I'm lucky I might see him at my sister's wedding in a couple of years.

I thought I had found you again, but now I don't recognise you, Dad.