Trying (ED Entry) in Friends With the Benedicts

This is an entry from Easy Diary that I am moving over to PB since I will no longer be writing over there.

I feel like I kinda lost what it meant to write in a diary when OD went down. I am trying to get into the hang of it again but this place is pretty new and new things can take me a while to get used to. I have MS and brain damage so I am sooo much less smarter than I used to be, and my memory is completely gone now too. I was working on the Lumosity website and we were actually seeing progress but even that lacks luster for me anymore. What has luster? I'm not sure anymore. I am very close to getting my Medicaid so I can go back to the Neurologist. It's been over a year and that is a no no. I am worried that I have travelled into secondary progressive MS because since I had my first attack in November of 2012 I have not had another. This can actually be bad. I am impatiently waiting for something to happen to ease my worries.. I would like a huge attack but then again of course not. LOL. It's bad to be in secondary because instead of relapses you get just gradual progression of disability. Gee sounds fun! Anyway... I took that kitten that I wrote about in to the vet and had her put to sleep. I named her Anna. The other 3 are still doing well, alive and healthy so far. That is all I can ask for. I am extremely emotional right now, more than usual, and my med is not helping. It is supposed to keep me from crying 30 times a day. I wish I could just go back to who I used to be. A friend told me that I am not the same person I was. That hurt. Only because I know it's true... but hearing it like that was like a punch in the gut. I will figure this site out, and come back full time. I am sure anyone who used to read me on OD could figure out who I am but I kinda like being somewhat annonymous for now. :) Until then..... Steph

Last updated May 25, 2014